Dwyane Wade angers Canadians by claiming US won War of 1812 during O Canada
MIAMI — Further angering many Canadians, Miami Heat shooting guard Dwyane Wade has claimed that the United States of America was victorious in the War of 1812 while the Canadian national an…
Report: Oh fuck, Mother’s Day!
OTTAWA—Scientists released a report today indicating that shit! It’s Mother’s Day! Fuck, what time is it? Authors of the report further stated that goddamn it, Mom’s probably already in bed by no…
Local Mother’s Day ruined by Freudian Slip
SASKATOON, SK – Witnesses report that local businessman, Jared Rice, has made Mother’s Day intolerably awkward for everyone around him after he accidentally introduced his mother, Ruth, as …
Ezra Levant exposes Syrian refugee plot to help victims of Ft. McMurray fire
CALGARY – Right-wing pundit Ezra Levant says he has detailed evidence of a coordinated plot by Syrian refugees living across Canada. The RebelTV founder published dozens of tweets, written in Ar…
Report: Everyone in government office on some sort of leave
OTTAWA — Sources confirmed yesterday that all 53 employees and managers in a Public Works and Government Services program are on some sort of leave. For the past three months, not a soul ha…
Visionary filmmakers dare to ask: What if Spider-Man again?
LOS ANGELES — In a move sure to keep film theorists talking for decades to come, visionary filmmakers Joe and Anthony Russo have turned the world of cinema on its ear by confronting one of …
Government to release next census as a Buzzfeed Quiz
OTTAWA – After popular demand from millennials who think the census just isn’t fun enough, the Canadian government has decided to conduct the 2021 census as a Buzzfeed quiz. Statistics Canada bel…
Trump receives concession call from someone named “John Kasich”
WASHINGTON – Presumptive republican presidential nominee Donald Trump was interrupted during a foreign policy briefing by a concession phone call from an individual named “John Kasich”, who…
Ted Cruz raptured early
INDIANAPOLIS — Following a fierce primary battle, Senator Ted Cruz was rewarded for his staunch support of anti-abortion, anti-immigrant and anti-gay policies by being lifted away from worl…
Local man fondly reflects on Martin Sheen presidency
KINGSTON – In the wake of yet another barrage of back and forth insults from Democratic and Republican candidates alike, Kingston local Alex Hinds spent most of yesterday afternoon reflecting fon…
