Rebounding biodiversity: bison attacks are up 2,000%
WEST CREASE, AB – At one time reduced to a population of fewer than 600, Canadian populations of the Plains Bison have rebounded to the point where an unprecedented crisis of bison attacks …
Calgary Stampede cowboy euthanized after chuckwagon race injury
CALGARY – Calgary Stampede employees were forced to put down a prize cowboy Friday night after he sustained a leg injury during a chuckwagon race. The 42 year-old male Caucasian, named ‘Sid…
World just going to take a nap until the bad stuff goes away
EARTH – The entire population of the planet has announced this week that it intends to simply lie down for a little nap until all the evil, violent, and hate-filled things that occur daily disapp…
Hungover Justin Trudeau shows parliament Bill Nye video
OTTAWA – After an eventful night at the Byward Market that left him with a throbbing headache, former schoolteacher Justin Trudeau opted to take it easy the following morning and just show …
ISIS takes credit after Saleem accidentally totals Dave’s car
MISSISSAUGA, ON – The Islamic State-affiliated news agency has released a bulletin claiming responsibility, after Saleem accidentally totaled Dave’s car on the way home from sushi last nigh…
Modern day Rosa Parks refuses to give up blasting music on bus
VANCOUVER – Local man Kyle Seinkowiecz, 23, is being hailed as a modern day Rosa Parks after bravely refusing—despite all of his society’s disapproval—to turn down his headphones whil…
Gay cop delivers open letter to Black Lives Matter protestors while carding them
TORONTO – A gay police officer has personally delivered an open letter about the Pride parade protest to organizers of Black Lives Matter Toronto, while illegally collecting their personal …
Tory refugee Jason Kenney treks thousands of kilometers westward to seek better life
OTTAWA – Former Conservative MP Jason Kenney has made the decision to flee Ottawa and make a perilous 3,500 km journey across dangerous territory to seek a new life in Alberta. After the Li…
Pride Parade joins Justin Trudeau’s walk down street
TORONTO – Prime Minister and National Treasure Justin Trudeau was accompanied by Canada’s largest Pride Parade as he casually strolled down Yonge Street this past Sunday. “OM Fucking G; it’…
Trudeau demands China improve human rights before trading, ‘unless they want to buy some tanks’
VANCOUVER – This week Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said China will need to improve its record on human rights before Canada will sign a Free Trade Agreement with them, before emphasizing t…
