Vancouver sets empty house tax to 10,000 Yuan
VANCOUVER – Shortly after the BC government yielded to Vancouver mayor Gregor Robertson’s call for a vacant home tax, the city agreed on an annual charge of ¥10,000. “Houses are…
Tony Clement launches campaign from steps of very nice gazebo
Orrville, ON — Former federal and provincial cabinet minister Tony Clement has announced his bid to lead the Conservative Party of Canada from one of his favourite gazebos. “I have the expe…
Canada changes official lyrics to O Canada to include line ‘Fuck you, the Tenors’
OTTAWA – Following a controversial performance by The Tenors at the MLB All-Star Game, in which singer Remigio Pereira inserted the phrase “All Lives Matter” into the Canadian national anth…
Bernie Sanders hammers against locked cellar doors while impostor endorses Clinton
Portsmouth, NH – Early reports have indicated that the individual who many believed was Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders was, in fact, a cleverly disguised Clinton aide while the real Be…
Vancouver City Hall to be turned into Cactus Club
VANCOUVER – In a somewhat surprising move, the city of Vancouver announced that they plan on turning City Hall into a new location for the popular restaurant chain Cactus Club. When asked w…
Parents hope guitar lessons will get son laid soon
EDMONTON – Parents of 17-year-old Matthew Hendrickson have enrolled him in guitar lessons in the hope that a rudimentary understanding of the instrument will allow him to finally lose his v…
Public Service Pay Centre accidentally pays employee $2.7 billion in provincial transfer payments
OTTAWA – After a series of clerical and accounting errors, the Public Service Pay Centre, Canada’s centralized payment facility for public servants, has accidentally compensated a federal e…
Local man asks rest of dog-fighting ring to quiet down so he can call in sick to work
OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN, ON – Local man Peter Franklin just needs everyone at this dog-fighting ring to quiet down so he can get out of work for the day. “Guys. Guys! C’mon, I just need a few min…
Doritos nutritionists concerned Canadian diet not ‘zesty’ enough
VICTORIA – A special report released earlier this week by top Doritos nutritionists has expressed concerns that the average Canadian’s diet is far below the daily recommended zesty-ness threshold…
Whitehorse opens new trails for wandering off-leash dogs
WHITEHORSE – Dogs who want to take themselves for a walk in Whitehorse now have more options to explore Yukon’s capital with a new pathway network. 16 new off-leash trails, which explores a…
