On-point sock game does nothing to save local man from the void
TORONTO – Although he has replaced his plain white socks with bold and colourful ones, local man Allen Cheung will still know the cold taste of oblivion and the comfortless embrace of the g…
Trump promises working class voters he will build an even more marginalized group
CLEVELAND – About to accept his party’s nomination for President, Donald Trump assured a crowd of cheering supporters that if elected, he would create an ethnic/sociological group that was…
Report: all that bad stuff at Marineland probably fixed by now
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – A new report affirms all the bad stuff you remember hearing about Marineland a couple of years ago is ‘probably cleared up by now.’ “Oh sure, after all that bad publicit…
Stephane Dion finally tracks down Onix in Parliamentary Library
OTTAWA – After looking for hours, Minister of Global Affairs Stephane Dion has finally captured the Onix in the Parliamentary Library. “Yes!” exclaimed the former Liberal leader as held his…
99-year-old college graduate moves back in with parents
OAKLAND – Lorraine Fuller, a 99-year-old woman who just graduated college plans to move her things into her parent’s basement immediately. “Living with mom and dad is kind of my only option right…
Startupfest keynote cancelled after 14 Segway pile-up
MONTREAL — Startupfest’s keynote speaker Phil Bevan has cancelled his forthcoming conference presentation due to minor injuries sustained in a multiple-Segway collision today. Eyewitnesses …
City tosses 5,000 page recycling plan into garbage
WHITEHORSE – After failing to pass a motion that would have started a curbside recycling program, the City of Whitehorse promptly disposed 5,000 pages worth of research, analysis, and recom…
Concrete sarcophagus where they buried Diefenbaker starting to crack
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, SK – Only a few short decades after the spellbinding speaker and prairie populist’s alleged death, scientists monitoring the concrete sarcophagus of John Diefenbaker w…
The new Ghostbusters movie DID destroy my childhood, but it may have been an unrelated hex
By Matt Rolfe The new Ghostbusters movie that NO ONE asked for from Paul Feig and his crew of feminista SJWs has arrived, and my childhood has been absolutely ruined! Not only did I predictably h…
Man wearing all black at night coolest person ever hit by car
VANCOUVER – After being struck by a vehicle while walking downtown in an all-black ensemble, local man Luke Dresler has been declared the coolest person ever run over by a mid-size sedan. “…
