Auston Matthews vows to work on his “pass to a guy who passes to a guy who scores” skills so he can finally deserve MVP
LAS VEGAS – Fresh off scoring 51 goals in 54 games Leafs centre Auston Matthews has announced that he has heard the criticism and will immediately devote his time and effort to developing h…
Breaking: Coworker who gave entire office Covid promoted for never taking a day off
HAMILTON, ON ― Inside sources report that your boss soon plans to announce a major promotion for Nathan Crane, a coworker currently working the same position as you. A significant factor in the …
Russian autopsy shows Navalny locked self in Siberian gulag, poisoned self
MOSCOW – Officials from the Kremlin, under the close supervision of Russian President Vladimir Putin, have concluded an autopsy of Alexei Navalny, concluding that the recently-deceased oppo…
BREAKING: Greece legalizes Greek food
ATHENS, GREECE – The government of Greece has proudly announced that they have legalized the country’s long-standing tradition of eating Greek cuisine. “Is it possible people were doing this in G…
Following fraud judgement, Trump offers followers chance to pay $355mil for one night of passion with Eric
NEW YORK – After a civil fraud ruling that will force Donald Trump to pay $355 million dollars, the former president is hoping to raise the cash by offering Republican voters a chance to do…
Dog wearing Raptors jersey doesn’t even know what any players smell like
TORONTO – Hardcore Raptors fans have had it and are calling out Glenn, a young English bulldog, for his phoney basketball fandom. “Glenn is such a poser,” said superfan Colin Ford. “He owns three…
Seven Iconic Canadian Songs we may have just made up now that we think about it
We Canadians pride ourselves on the contributions our country has made to popular music in North America and across the world. Songs by some of our most famous musicians are counted among the big…
Increased prevalence of public nudity as cost of clothing surpasses fines
BURNABY, BC ― As inflation runs rampant and dress codes grow more relaxed, more people are dispensing with clothing altogether, prompting calls for public officials to increase fines for indecent…
Hamas and Netanyahu exchange Valentines to thank each other for job security
GAZA – In the wake of an intractable decades-long conflict that has left thousands of civilians dead in both Israel and the Gaza Strip, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netenyahu and the lea…
Trudeau: Protests at hospitals are reprehensible, bombings to be judged on a case by case basis
TORONTO – Following a pro-Palestinian protest that partially took place outside Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto on Monday night, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau posted on Twitter/X to voice h…
