BC gov’t vows old-growth forests will be protected, varnished

VICTORIA – In honour of Earth Day, the BC Government has reaffirmed its commitment to protect the province’s remaining ancient, old-growth forests using a number of varnishes, stains, or se…

5 small joys you can cut out of your life and still not be able to afford a home

With home prices doubling in the last 5 years and increasingly divorced from the incomes of Canadians such that the real estate market has created a completely parallel universe devoid of anythin…

Efficient new edition of TurboTax just asks how much fraud you’re comfortable with

OTTAWA – Sources have learned that this year’s standard edition of TurboTax skips right to the point by asking “So, how much you wanna try pulling over on the feds?” when the program is launched.…

Ontario Conservatives promise universal handguns if re-elected

QUEEN’S PARK – The PC party of Ontario has just announced their bold pledge to provide handguns to all Ontarians if re-elected in June. “My priority is always the safety and welfare of the …

Real Life Paddington? Boyfriend wearing his little coat

SURREY, BC- In an exciting turn of events, 29-year-old boyfriend Ben McDonald revealed himself to be a real life Paddington bear today when he bundled himself up in his little coat and boots and …

Netflix cracks down on password sharing to help users let go of their ex

LOS GATOS, CALIFORNIA – The online streaming service Netflix has announced their intention to discourage different people from making use of the same account in an effort to get users to fi…

Beer that tastes like sweat wins brewing award

FREDERICTON — New Brunswick microbrewery Weasel Belly Ales has won the 2022 Liquid Innovation Prize for developing a new style of beer that experts say tastes like sweat. The winning brew, a pale…

Mom calls in excited panic just to say current Jeopardy champion is Canadian

HALIFAX, NS – Earlier this week, Eleanor Weaver, 23, got a panicked call from her mother around 10pm just to say that the current Jeopardy champion, Mattea Roach, is Canadian. “I thought so…

School Board mandates bullies begin performing “Lunch Money Acknowledgements”

WINNIPEG – A Manitoba school board has adopted a policy requiring bullies to acknowledge the previous “stewards and caretakers” of the lunch money they steal from peers before spending it. …

NHL refs congratulate NBA counterpart for screwing over Toronto team “even better than we do”

TORONTO – In the wake of the Toronto Raptors second straight loss to the Philadelphia 76ers the NHL referees association has congratulated NBA officiating for screwing over the Toronto base…