Local man’s emotional well being still entirely dependent on sport controlled by these idiots
TORONTO – Local man Geoff Mclaughlin has confirmed that, at the age of 35, his entire emotional state still rides on the results of a game whose outcome is often left entirely in control of…
Pervert astronomers posting hole
WASHINGTON, DC – An international conglomerate of horndog scientists have made the news by posting hole on main. “The hole we’ve discovered is dense and tight,” said Event Horizon Telescope spoke…
Uh oh! We told this graduating class they can do anything and they believed us!
Oh hell, we really did it this time. We were asked to give a speech at the graduation of a local high school and carelessly ended it with a generic encouraging statement about how they can achiev…
4 tips for getting your body ready for tick season
MUSKOKA – As the weather gets warmer, it’s natural to feel a little vulnerable about showing extra skin, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Tina Fontina, entomologist and personal trainer, is he…
Sportsnet apologises for interrupting gambling commercial with hockey
TORONTO – Sportsnet has issued an apology to its viewers after several minutes of a hockey game were broadcast without a single reference to gambling. “At Sportsnet, the last thing we want to do…
Poll: Majority of Canadians favour making sports betting illegal again just to get rid of the fucking ads
OTTAWA – A new poll by Angus Reid has confirmed that the vast majority of Canadians would favour de-legalizing sports betting if it means the incessant ads would finally stop. “When t…
With midterms approaching, many fear democrats are running out of time to completely alienate the left
Washington – With only six months until the 2022 midterm election, many within the Democratic National Committee are worried that the young, energetic, left wing voter base behind candidate…
Editorial: Having the right to control your own body taken away is no reason to be rude!
By: James Kulenschmidt Ladies, I get it. You don’t like the leaked U.S. Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v. Wade. You think you should have the right to control your own reproductive …
Amid rising gas prices, Flintstone cars top sales
OTTAWA, ON — Flinstone cars, officially known as Cavemobiles, top car sales in Canada amid rising gas prices as Canadians try to cut costs wherever they can. With gas prices well above 170 cents/…
Toddler better at using iPad than local man is at doing anything
Regina, SK – Local man Michael Edugyan has realized that the 3 year old toddler seated near him at this restaurant is better at using her iPad than he is at doing everything in his life. &#…
