Breaking: Canada loses Conservative Leadership Race
OTTAWA – The results of the CPC leadership competition are in and, on the very first ballot, the country of Canada lost. “The results couldn’t be more clear,” said political analyst Martha …
Luggage on better vacation than owner
PEARSON AIRPORT – After spending their full 10 day vacation apart, a checked Samsonsite suitcase definitely enjoyed a better vacation than its owner. Sara Burke departed Toronto Pearson Air…
Man who never visits own grandmother heartbroken over Queen Elizabeth’s death
VANCOUVER – Jason Klein, who has only visited his 98-year-old grandmother twice in the last five years despite living less than a half-hour’s drive away, is still reeling from the news that…
JK Rowling releases new book where Umbridge is the hero
EDINBURGH, UK – Author JK Rowling has released a new book featuring a retelling of the Harry Potter story, but from the point of view of one of her most hated characters, Professor Dolores …
Ontario certain they can fund gambling addiction support with money brought in from legalized gambling
QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario now aiming to provide more accessible treatment options for anyone struggling with gambling addiction, the Ford government reportedly has absolute confiden…
Jagmeet Singh upset over not being invited to Liberal cabinet sleepover
OTTAWA – In comments made to reporters NDP leader Jagmeet Singh expressed considerable upset over being left out of Justin’s 3-night Liberal cabinet sleepover in Vancouver, which Justin inv…
Buckingham Palace confirms death of Queen at Meghan Markle’s hands probably
LONDON – Britain’s Royal Family has officially confirmed that Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth the II is dead at age 96, with her cause of death “almost certainly” being Suits suppor…
Mom really upset you made that joke about the Queen
THORNHILL, ON – In late breaking news your mother has reportedly sent multiple disappointed messages this afternoon after you posted a joke about Queen Elizabeth in the family group chat. Y…
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
LONDON, ON – In an effort to protect students and faculty against COVID-19 and being a buzzkill, Western University announced that everyone entering the campus must have had at least 3 shot…
Restaurants add option to tip server’s entire salary
TORONTO – In a bold new move, restaurants are adding the option to tip your server’s whole salary. After successful tipping increases to 20% and even 30%, business owners decided to keep it going…
