Democrats just as shocked as you that they didn’t fuck up this election
WASHINGTON D.C. – As Democrats look poised to expand their majority in the Senate and remain competitive in the House, numerous Democratic representatives and party elders have come forward…
Zuckerberg banishes 11,000 workers to the Metaverse
MENLO PARK, CA – After disappointing results in the latest quarter, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg sent out a notice to his workforce that the company is expelling 11,000 employees from corporeal…
We’ve all gotta start somewhere! This woman just googled “news”
VANCOUVER – Illustrating beautifully the old adage that Rome wasn’t built in a day, local woman Anne Hill is proving that we all really do have to start somewhere after cracking her knuckle…
Americans planning to “Move to Canada” following midterms asked to please bring some children’s medicine with them
NIAGARA FALLS – While the Democrats have fared better than expected in last night’s midterm elections, Health Canada has issued a request this morning that any political refugees stil…
Dealbreaker! Date doesn’t want to watch your favourite movie
Moncton, NB – On the third date when Donald McFlagen invited potential new girlfriend, Alexandra Jakins over, he was shocked when she had no interest in watching any of his favourite movies…
Modern Renaissance man? This guy is a painter AND a geocentrist
EDMONTON – According to local sources, polymath Alan Fowler never ceases to amaze everyone he meets with his incredible artistic talent, deep knowledge of classical literature, and unshakeable be…
Study: 1 in every 25 people in PEI have Covid-19, and they are: Jim, Paula, Big Jim, and Tina’s boy Ricky
SUMMERSIDE – A Covid-19 wave has washed over Prince Edward Island, leaving one in twenty-five Islanders–or four individual people–currently Covid-positive. “For a long time, we were doing pretty …
Food banks dissolve after Canadian families find missing $13.99/month needed to avoid starvation
OTTAWA — On advice from Minister of Finance Chrystia Freeland to cut wasteful spending such as their Disney+ subscriptions, thousands of struggling Canadian families were finally able to scrounge…
Ford: Kids too young to learn their own anatomy are mature enough to be political pawns
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford clarified today that Ontario’s young students remain too young to learn the proper names for genitalia but are definitely mature enough to be used as polit…
Local woman spices up dinner party with olive oil and balsamic body shots
WINNIPEG – Local accounts analyst Portia Kim wowed guests at her dinner party last night when she announced the pumpkin ginger bisque would be accompanied by olive oil and balsamic body sho…
