Narcissist sends himself dick pic
MOUNT PEARL, NL – Locally renowned narcissist, Charles Mizzard, has been telling anyone who will listen about the “spectacular” dick pic he sent himself. Many residents have been unable to …
This streamer made sad faces while playing Hogwarts Legacy to show everyone they’re not transphobic
VANCOUVER – In an effort to assure his fans, advertisers, and the internet at large that he is not transphobic, Twitch star John Dalton made certain to make sad faces throughout today’s Hog…
Doug Ford announces 50% of all Ontario surgeries will now be done by his buddy Steve
TORONTO – In an effort to reduce wait times for surgeries in the province of Ontario, Premier Doug Ford has announced that as many as half of all surgeries will now be handled by his good b…
Crying character in movie can’t find perfect wall to slide down
FAKE NEW YORK – Emma Sanford, a character in the recent Netflix romcom Here And/Or There who recently experienced an upsetting breakup, has reported being unable to find the perfect wall to…
The Last Of Us producers reveal VFX needed to make Calgary look less post-apocalyptic
CALGARY – Producers of HBO’s post apocalyptic series The Last Of Us recently revealed how shooting in Calgary forced them to use VFX to hide the city’s bleaker wasteland aspects. The series…
Editorial: Kids today are overprotected! I died in a fire.
OLD TOWN OF YORK – Look, I’m not someone who rises from the grave easily. I’m just a normal taxpayer like anyone else. I keep my head down, visit the dying, scare cats, and I don’t get exci…
Financial advisors recommend buying grocery stock instead of groceries
OTTAWA – Recent consumer data was shows an alarming majority of Canadians continue to spend their grocery budget on groceries, despite the advice of financial experts to buy grocery stocks …
Netflix to produce another Adam Sandler movie for every person caught account sharing
LOS ANGELES – As part of its crackdown on password sharing streaming giant Netflix has announced that for every person it catches using someone else’s account it will produce one more Adam …
Galen Weston liberates No Name brand from shackles of tyrannical price freeze
BRAMPTON, ON – Galen Weston, billionaire philanthropist and benevolent overlord of the Loblaws grocery empire, has graciously announced plans to liberate No Name brand products from their unjust …
Nestle Canada to “wind down” frozen food sales, focus on Evil
TORONTO — Nestlé Canada has announced it will be ending sales of its Delissio, Stouffer’s, and Lean Cuisine brands as the corporate entity shifts toward investing more in committing blatant acts …
