Black Rock Desert, NV — Two global brands facing separate multi-billion dollar faulty product crises are teaming up to address their problems with a unique sponsorship plan. Under the agre…
World
Masturbators brace for the worst as DDoS attacks continue
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following massive cyber-attacks which disrupted web traffic across the United States Friday, the masturbators across the world are bracing for the worst. US President Bar…
ISIS claims responsibility after Saleem’s home-brewed IPA tastes like crap
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Just hours after Saleem cracked the first bottle of his home-brewed ‘Malternative Hop’ IPA, the international terrorist organization ISIS has claimed responsibility and pr…
Trump accuses Clinton of being angry orange-skinned man with bad combover
HARRISBURG, PA – At a campaign rally this week Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump fired off against rival Hillary Clinton, accusing her of being, among other things, ‘a stub…
Rio Olympics opening ceremony includes memorial to all athletes expected to die during Rio Olympics
RIO DE JANEIRO – In a somber moment during the opening ceremonies for the Rio de Janeiro Olympic Games, a memorial video played in tribute to all the athletes expected to die in the coming weeks.…
Germany excited to finally be good guy in next World War
BERLIN – Speaking before an assembled group of reporters, Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany has announced the entire nation is thrilled that they will probably be considered a good guy in the u…
Trump promises America endless sexual pleasure through ritual mutilation
CLEVELAND – In a controversial speech at the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump promised the United States that undying sexual rapture could be theirs, if only they would give the…
ISIS takes credit after Saleem accidentally totals Dave’s car
MISSISSAUGA, ON – The Islamic State-affiliated news agency has released a bulletin claiming responsibility, after Saleem accidentally totaled Dave’s car on the way home from sushi last nigh…
World just going to take a nap until the bad stuff goes away
EARTH – The entire population of the planet has announced this week that it intends to simply lie down for a little nap until all the evil, violent, and hate-filled things that occur daily disapp…
NRA releases statement regretting tomorrow’s shooting
FAIRFAX, VA – The National Rifle Association has issued a press release expressing its ‘sincerest regrets’ for the mass shooting that will, with ‘complete certainty,’ happ…
