TORONTO – After a recent drop in the Canadian housing market, city dweller and accounts manager, Benedict Witt, 34, has become the only person that is considering he may now be able to affo…
Real Estate
Only consolation for homeowners who lost thousands from housing market cooling is the millions they’ve already made
OTTAWA – An Ottawa family is packing up their belongings and moving to what they hope will be their “forever home,” but they’ll be bringing a slightly smaller pile of cash…
Run down, tiny Semi-detached can’t believe these suckers paid 1.8 million to live in it
TORONTO – A dilapidated semi-detached home in the Leslieville area was shocked to discover that the new residents had paid nearly 2 million dollars to live in it. “1.8 million?! Dolla…
5 small joys you can cut out of your life and still not be able to afford a home
With home prices doubling in the last 5 years and increasingly divorced from the incomes of Canadians such that the real estate market has created a completely parallel universe devoid of anythin…
Kids play house by having their imaginary friend price them out of the market
EDMONTON – Eight-year-old Mason Wright and seven-year-old Olivia Glass have been busy playing house all afternoon by pretending to have their hearts set on a property, only for Mason’s imaginary …
Canada to ban foreign homebuyers who refuse to set up dummy corporations
OTTAWA – The Federal Government has announced sweeping plans to ban the purchase of Canadian homes by any foreign buyers who don’t feel like bothering to set up a routine dummy corporation.…
Failed artist excited for career in real estate
VANCOUVER – Failed playwright Jacob Jones was gleeful today after passing his real estate exam. While Jones’ ambition to see his work premier on Broadway – or even at a local Fringe F…
Toronto unreal estate agent sells house for 5 kajillion dollars
TORONTO – On another great day for the local imaginary housing market, non-realtor Wendy Phan has sold a lovely 2 and a half story house for 3 kajillion dollars over the asking price. The p…
Affordable Toronto apartment only costs 3/4s of monthly income
TORONTO – Local English teacher Bob Kelly was overwhelmed to find an affordable apartment in Toronto’s west end. The one-bedroom walk-up located in the Parkdale neighborhood will only cost …
Theatre-of-the-mind to be demolished for condominium-of-the-mind
THE HUMAN PSYCHE – Despite numerous fundraisers and letter-writing campaigns held to try and save it, the longstanding theatre-of-the-mind, popularly known as the imagination, is set to close nex…