OTTAWA – Canadian Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland has triumphantly announced her resignation after proclaiming victory over all aspects of Canada’s formerly troubled economy. “I’m a firm belie…
Politics
Trudeau unveils new campaign slogan: “I Got Jordan Peterson to Leave”
OTTAWA — After disgraced professor and beef enthusiast Jordan Peterson announced yesterday that he had moved to Florida due to the Canadian government’s allegedly woke fascist policies, Justin Tr…
Transparent plots to buy votes are cynical, effective, political scientists find
OTTAWA, ON ― A new survey of political scientists found broad consensus that financial giveaways are a both arrogant and very successful strategy to curry the favour of voters too shortsighted to…
Poilievre looking forward to blaming Trudeau for economic effects of Trump’s tariffs
OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre couldn’t contain his glee today upon hearing the news that Donald Trump plans to enact a 25% tariff on Canadian goods as soon as he takes office. “Our largest trad…
Conservatives announce new innocuous thing they’re terrified of
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has officially announced that in addition to walkable cities, vaccines, and transgender children, they are also deeply afraid of eating bugs. “We W…
Self-identified independent announces dinner preference of “I don’t know, whatever you don’t want”
HARRISBURG, PA ― Undecided voter and self-described “non-partisan skeptical moderate” Deannah Sole has announced that, in the rapidly approaching election for tonight’s meal, which is locked in a…
Trudeau to retain party leadership until newer, worthier Trudeau steps forward
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced he will step down from the Liberal Party leadership – as soon as a newer, worthier Trudeau comes forward to take his place. Trudeau, who has h…
Trudeau promises to rethink Liberal strategy after 5 or 6 more general election losses
OTTAWA – With polls projecting the Liberals to win as few as 53 seats in the next federal election, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has pledged to shake up his party’s campaign strategy follo…
Ezra Levant furious to discover he could have been getting money from Russia this whole time
OTTAWA – In the wake of the news that Russia was paying far-right personalities to promote talking points that helped sow discord in America and Canada while supporting Russian talking poin…
Trudeau leaves fifth unanswered voicemail offering to endorse Kamala Harris
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has reportedly left his fifth as of yet unanswered voicemail offering to “throw his weight” behind the presidential campaign of US Democra…
