NATIONWIDE – After spending the last month in seasonally-affected misery, the nation has emerged, just in time to also spend the next month in a complete funk. “Thank god this bout of depre…
National
Conservatives say legalized weed really relieves the stress of being Conservative
OTTAWA – In a surprising policy shift, interim Conservative leader Rona Ambrose now says her party supports the legalization of marijuana, citing the drug’s ability to take the edge off of the st…
Alberta hosts provincial wide garage sale on gently used oil production equipment
EDMONTON — Bargain hunters were out in full force at a surprise garage sale for most of Alberta’s unused oil and gas production equipment last weekend. Politicians and industry executives n…
Gregory Elliot now free to harass that cutie in the jury
TORONTO – After being cleared of two charges of criminal harassment in a high-profile case this afternoon, Toronto-man Gregory Elliot is now free to begin sending aggressive escalating mess…
Local man supports equality as long as he doesn’t have to give up privilege
NORTH AMERICA – As women and minorities seek more equitable treatment in politics, education, and the workforce, one man, Derek Smith, has promised to support their cause as long as he can …
Overhead oxygen masks accidentally deployed at Bank of Canada’s fiscal update
OTTAWA — Canadian journalists and investors were sent into a panic after the Bank of Canada Governor deployed the press room’s emergency breathing apparatuses by mistake. The incident occur…
Thomas Mulcair emerges from burrow, sees shadow; six more disappointing NDP elections expected
OTTAWA — The New Democratic Party was dealt a heavy blow yesterday when Thomas Mulcair, former Leader of the Official Opposition, crawled out of his burrow on Parliament Hill, saw his shado…
BREAKING: Media reports 3 suspicious men taking pictures of Niagara Falls
NIAGARA FALLS — Dozens of media outlets are reporting on three suspicious men captured on surveillance footage taking pictures and video of one of Canada’s least popular landmarks, Niagara …
New York Times “this close” to working up the courage to marry Canada
NEW YORK – After years of gushing travel articles and love letters disguised as op-ed pieces, New York Times editor Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Jr. assured shareholders this week that America’s 164 y…
Question period enters sudden death round for first time in 50 years
OTTAWA – For the first time since 1966, Question Period has entered a sudden death round, with members of parliament now preparing for bloody, and most likely deadly, close-quarters combat.…
