OTTAWA — In a crushing blow to its upcoming 150th anniversary celebrations, Canada’s emerging sense of comparative superiority to the United States was shattered this week, following a casual loo…
National
Andrew Scheer pepper sprayed while trying to photobomb wedding
OTTAWA – Mere moments after a mischievous smile spread across his face at the sight of a young couple taking wedding photos, a shirtless Andrew Scheer is rolling on the ground, grovelling a…
This year’s most popular Father’s Day gift just box full of gears and wires
CANADA – Businesses across the nation are reporting that this year’s most popular Father’s Day gift is a nondescript cardboard box filled with gears and wires of various sizes that retails …
MMIW commission insist they are very close to figuring out how office telephones work
OTTAWA – After several months and over five million dollars spent the commissioners tasked with investigating the tragedy of missing and murdered indigenous women have assured Canadians the…
Canada immediately engulfed by holy fire after scrapping blasphemy law
CANADA – The entirety of Canada is in flames today after the Liberal party introduced legislation to repeal unnecessary sections of the criminal code, including the section that prohibits b…
Portraits of Canadiosity: Conrad Black
Conrad Black; the worst Canadian?…
Ottawa announces $62 billion worth of defence spending delays
OTTAWA – Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan has announced that the government will add $62 billion in defence spending delays over the next 10 years. The new procurement strategy titled ‘Postpo…
Quebec to ratify Charter if rest of Canada eats this grasshopper
QUEBEC CITY – After nearly 4 decades, the province of Quebec has vowed to finally ratify the 1982 Constitution Act, on the sole condition that the rest of the country eats this disgusting g…
The Beaverton renewed for season 2 after writers, cast pass brutal Canadian TV hazing rituals
TORONTO – Bell Media announced today that it has picked up satirical news sensation The Beaverton for another year after the show’s cast and crew successfully completed the demoralizing and…
Bernier furious over lack of regulation in Conservative voting process
OTTAWA – Failed Tory leadership candidate and avowed libertarian Maxime Bernier is reportedly furious that there wasn’t proper oversight and controls in place to ensure a fair voting proces…
