OTTAWA – None of the 25 guests invited by Michael Ignatieff to his weekend basketball-birthday party either showed up or sent an RSVP, the former Liberal Party leader told reporters. “…
National
After 10 years PEI finally returns Nova Scotia’s lawn mower
NOVA SCOTIA – The province of PEI finally returned a borrowed lawn mower from 10 years ago to its neighbours in Nova Scotia. “The lawn mower is making a funny noise now and they didn’t fill…
Closing of local Tim Hortons finally convinces residents their town is horrible
CORNWALL, ON – Tim Hortons closed its only Cornwall branch earlier this week, causing locals to suddenly realize how terrible their hometown is. “I don’t think we can recover from thi…
Dozens hospitalized in quest to fry world’s largest beaver tail
GATINEAU, QC – Dozens have been hospitalized in Gatineau county yesterday following a failed attempt to fry the world’s largest beaver tail. Town residents were looking to make the re…
Canada lies about age to be admitted into elite world country club
GENEVA, CH – Sources inside one of the world’s oldest and most opulent country clubs have indicated that the country of Canada may have lied about its age in order to be considered for memb…
Bob Rae sells Liberal Party at Vegas Pawn Shop
LAS VEGAS – While vacationing with family in Las Vegas earlier this week, interim Liberal leader Bob Rae appeared on the History Channel’s Pawn Stars to sell the Liberal Party of Canada. Th…
Tour guide lost for weeks
LASHBURN, SK – Over 19 days and 12 hours since beginning a routine 90-minute hop-on hop-off bus tour of Vancouver, lost tour guide Gary Grant and his charge of tourists unknowingly crossed …
‘Occupy Toronto’ successfully undermines ‘Occupy Wall Street’
TORONTO – ‘Occupy Toronto’ protesters are celebrating their media gains over ‘Occupy Wall Street’ this week. “People didn’t think we had it in us,” said Alek Brondowin, a protester. “But slowly w…
Bob Rae asks NDP for merger while licking his lips in suggestive way
OTTAWA – Interim Liberal leader Bob Rae asked the NDP party to merge while licking his lips in a suggestive manner, according to House of Commons sources. Rae allegedly sat across from the …
