CAPE ST MARY, NL – Canadian environmentalist David Suzuki, known for his activism on global climate change, was discovered earlier this week passed out near a private jet in Cape St. Mary&#…
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First Nations audit of Federal Government reveals billions in mismanaged funds
OTTAWA – The Canadian Government has been mismanaging funds for over 140 years according to a damaging audit commissioned by the First Nations released this morning. The audit, conducted by…
Stephen Harper finally caves to pressure from animal spirit guide
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper finally agreed to meet with an assembly of Aboriginal leaders on January 11th, after bowing to pressure from his animal spirit guide, Odjiig. “It is a…
Aboriginal Affairs Minister John Duncan now aware that he is Minister of Aboriginal Affairs
OTTAWA – As Attawapiskat Chief Theresa Spence’s hunger strike continues to provoke calls for immediate action by the Government of Canada, Conservative staffers were quick to point out that progr…
Marc Garneau unveils platform: I’ve been to space, motherfucker!
TORONTO – Liberal leadership candidate Marc Garneau revealed his plans for the Nation’s future yesterday, unveiling a platform entitled “I’ve been to space, motherfucker!” Despite ini…
As winter recess approaches, supreme court judges prepare to hibernate
OTTAWA – Having written their last judgement and heard their final appeal for the year, the nine honourable members of Canada’s highest court spent last week preparing to enter their …
Even Satan impressed by Salvation Army theft
HELL – The news of David Rennie’s involvement in the scandalous theft of $2 million worth of toys from the Salvation Army, a charitable organization for which he served as president, has im…
No one has the heart to tell Justin Trudeau the Liberal party no longer exists
As Justin Trudeau continues his tour around the country, seeking to inspire Liberal Party members’ hearts and minds as his father did some 42 years ago, no one has yet worked up the courage…
Nation wakes up to grim reality that Barack Obama is not President of Canada
CANADA – A disillusioned nation woke up this week to the grim reality that Barack Obama’s re-election victory does not make him the President of Canada. “Wait, oh yeah,” the collective thou…
Unpatriotic baby cries throughout moment of silence
OTTAWA – Showing what witnesses agree was a complete lack of respect for the Canadian soldiers who lost their lives protecting our nation from foreign threats, an unpatriotic infant cried d…
