STEINBACH, MB – Upon announcing his retirement from the House of Commons, Vic Toews has instituted a “tough on crime” crackdown of his day-to-day affairs, beginning with his local Swiss Cha…
National
90% of RCMP attempt to retire on high note immediately after BC terror arrests
VANCOUVER – In the aftermath of the successful arrest of two would-be terrorist bombers on Canada Day, the vast majority of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Force consider their careers having p…
UPDATE: After yet another terrorist bust, RCMP Stetson hats now too small to fit ego
VICTORIA – After successfully stopping an attempted Canada Day terrorist attack that could have potentially killed many, marking their second major bust in 2013, the RCMP announced that the curre…
Canadian Politician Look-alike Poll: Vote for Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and classic James Bond villain Goldfinger
Round 5 of our Canadian Politician look-alike poll matches Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and Auric Goldfinger, the antagonist from the James Bond movie Goldfinger. They both have an affinity for money. …
Jason Kenney just wants to find love, expel all refugees
According to sources on Parliament Hill, MP and Minister for Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism Jason Kenney has recently been speaking more and more about his two major life goals: to…
Harper on Alberta floods: ‘Don’t worry, the oil is okay’
CALGARY – Prime Minister Stephen Harper reassured Canadians yesterday that Alberta’s most important natural resource, oil, had escaped significant damage from the flash floods that ha…
Study: Every child who cheated at NHL 94 now a hardened criminal
BURNABY, BC – A new study by Simon Fraser university has revealed that all children who constantly relied on well known but impossible to stop cheats to win at NHL 94 have turned into dange…
Bev Oda teams up with Mike Duffy for one last big score
OTTAWA – Sources indicate Mike Duffy has finally managed to convince Bev Oda to execute one final daring heist before giving up crime for good. “C’mon, Bev, I’ve got this all planned down t…
Harper denies knowing Duffy, Conservative caucus, his children
OTTAWA – After a series of embarrassing mishaps and scandals Prime Minister Stephen Harper is denying any role in knowing Senator Mike Duffy, most of the conservative caucus and members of his im…
Radical pro-lifer disappointed Morgentaler never returned any of his death threat calls
LETHBRIDGE – An ardent anti-abortionist is disappointed that the renowned pro-choice advocate Henry Morgentaler never returned any of his menacing phone messages. “It’s like he pretended I didn’t…
