OTTAWA – Justice Minister Peter MacKay has reminded Canadians to honour Canadian soldiers on the 25th anniversary of the Montreal Polytechnique Massacre. “I urge all Canadians to remember t…
National
Fantino promises another $200 million to vets of the Boer War
OTTAWA – Veterans Affairs Minister Julian Fantino has announced over $200 million to be spend on veterans who participated in the South African Boer War. “Our veterans bravely served for Ki…
Snot-nosed idiot with small penis loses libel case
Media personality Ezra Levant, who has been described by thousands as “snot nosed”, “vapid”, and whose penis is well-known to be “literally the smallest”, has lost a libel suit brought against hi…
Sun Media publishes retraction of last 18 years worth of articles
OTTAWA – After mistakenly attributing several politically incorrect comments to Liberal MP Marlo Raynolds, Sun Media has reviewed its archives and found that nearly all of its content from …
Jian Ghomeshi not entirely turned on by Toronto Police’s handcuffs
TORONTO – After being released on bail Wednesday afternoon, sources say disgraced CBC radio personality, Jian Ghomeshi, was not as turned on by the Toronto Police handcuffs as he had expected to …
Street price of nation’s favourite drug to increase by 10 cents
WELLAND – Canada’s most addictive street drug is increasing in price by ten cents worrying many public health experts and addicts. “I get a hit at least twice a day,” said Joe Kuharchuk, a …
Harper signs trade agreement with Fourth Circle of Hell
HELL – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has signed a landmark trade agreement between Canada and Hell’s layer reserved for greedy, hoarding souls. The agreement was signed by Harper and Hell’s…
Harper lights ceremonial tire fire at annual Chinese pollution festival
BEIJING – After being praised for his commitment to environmental catastrophe, Stephen Harper kicked the annual Festival of the Polluted Moon off by throwing a bag of flaming garbage into a…
Government to punish fake soldier by treating him like a real veteran
OTTAWA – After posing as a fake Canadian Forces soldier, DND and Veterans Affairs have decided the impostor’s punishment should be to endure the poor treatment they inflict on a real Canadi…
MPs reassure female staffers with playful open-handed pat on the behind
OTTAWA – Following sexual harassment allegations against two Liberal MPs and subsequent questions over the House of Commons’ lack of protocol to deal with them, male MPs made sure to reassu…
