LONDON, ON- After years of examining the connections between sanity and higher education, chief scientists at the World Health Organization have declared the act of attending grad school an indic…
Education
Single-ply toilet paper industry saved by school re-openings
WINNIPEG – After being dealt a blow by the pandemic-related closures of offices and public washrooms, single-ply toilet paper manufacturers are pinning their recovery to the re-opening of t…
Toronto Catholic schools to reopen so kids will be with God sooner
TORONTO – The Toronto Catholic School Board has announced that schools will reopen with regular class sizes in the hopes that students will get sick and join God sooner. “The government isn…
Philosopher doesn’t feel so smart after getting run over by trolley
MISSISSAUGA, ON – A local philosopher has found himself rethinking his active career, worried that academia may have failed him following a Sunday morning dilemma that ended with the 42-yea…
9-year-old college prodigy wins third consecutive game of beer pong
LONDON, ON – Gabriel Thompson, the 9 year-old child genius who made waves by being admitted into Major Biology and Mathematics program at Western, is reportedly kicking ass at a game of bee…
“Fuck it, put four dolphins on the cover” says exhausted textbook publisher
TORONTO – After struggling to find an appropriate visual representation of calculus that carried any sort of positive connotation, an exhausted textbook publisher finally gave up, throwing …
3rd grader informs classmates he can kill a man with any object
EDMONTON — CSIS recruiters likely have an eye on Northwood Elementary 3rd grader Dustin Fuller after he bragged to classmates that he can kill a man with any object. “If I had to fight someone li…
New Explore program immerses Ontario teens with Quebec’s alcohol, Quebec teens with Ontario’s pot
OTTAWA – With the Quebec government announcing that it will restrict the age for purchasing cannabis at 21, an intensive immersion program has added a new initiative for intercultural alcoh…
Schools complain student climate strikes affecting their ability to teach kids apathy
CALGARY – As millions of youths all over the world strike to demand action on the climate crisis, schools are concerned that the outpouring of activism is undoing all the work they’ve put i…
Conservatives drop private school tax deduction after realizing higher enrollment might lead to poors mixing with the quality
OTTAWA – As the federal election looms, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer has gone back on his promise to give a $4000 tax credit to offset the costs of private school tuition after wealthy…
