STOCKHOLM — Spotify founder and CEO Daniel Ek called a press conference today to announce a new feature of the music streaming site’s premium subscription tier, namely the option for users to rem…
Former Spirit Halloween location haunted by cheap mass-produced ghosts
ST. CATHARINE’S — The customers at children’s store Kiddie Korner have been getting more than they bargained for this Halloween season in the form of dozens of bargain basement spectres. Th…
Hans Zimmer score added to video feed of colonoscopy
HAMILTON — Long known for their novel approach to the practice of medicine, the Hamilton Endoscopy Centre has made it a standard practice to add Hans Zimmer film score music to the video feed of …
Plants horrified to sit on bookshelf full of their dead processed cousins
SASKATOON — Local plants Natalie and William expressed their horror at having to reside on a structure surrounded by the corpses of their relatives, which have been dried, mulched, flattened, bou…
Sleep Country Canada admits there might be reasons to buy a mattress anywhere else
OAKVILLE, ONT – Christine Magee, co-founder and president of Sleep Country Canada, has admitted she no longer agrees with the implied answer to her company’s jingle. “Since the beginning Sleep C…
Dog tied up outside of store for three minutes sets new world record for sadness
VANCOUVER — The look on the face of Tony, a young bulldog tied to a parking meter outside Denman Liquor, has set the Guinness World Record for sheer, profound, heart-wrenching sadness. “I don’t u…
Damp-hand fetishist introduces himself to people coming out of public restrooms
WINNIPEG — Martin Melnyk reportedly spent Saturday at The Forks, a popular local mall, introducing himself to people emerging from the washrooms, hoping to find someone willing to shake his hand.…
Shakespeare festival to spice things up by casting actors they used before, a lot
STRATFORD, ON – Canada’s biggest Shakespeare festival is hoping to excite and intrigue audiences with their groundbreaking plan to cast actors they’ve cast many, many times before. “Shakesp…
Canada Day face paint includes footnote about not being one of those Convoy fucks
OTTAWA – Sean Rice, dressed in his usual July 1st garb of Canada flag boxers, Canada flag face-paint and a full Canadian flag worn as a cape, has had to take special precautions to prevent …
Winner of local theatre award doomed to keep working in local theatre scene
VANCOUVER — Darren Weiss won the Jessie Richardson Award for Best Actor – Large Theatre Category on Monday, for his performance as Austin in a production of True West. The win has cemented …