VANCOUVER — The look on the face of Tony, a young bulldog tied to a parking meter outside Denman Liquor, has set the Guinness World Record for sheer, profound, heart-wrenching sadness. “I don’t u…
Damp-hand fetishist introduces himself to people coming out of public restrooms
WINNIPEG — Martin Melnyk reportedly spent Saturday at The Forks, a popular local mall, introducing himself to people emerging from the washrooms, hoping to find someone willing to shake his hand.…
Shakespeare festival to spice things up by casting actors they used before, a lot
STRATFORD, ON – Canada’s biggest Shakespeare festival is hoping to excite and intrigue audiences with their groundbreaking plan to cast actors they’ve cast many, many times before. “Shakesp…
Canada Day face paint includes footnote about not being one of those Convoy fucks
OTTAWA – Sean Rice, dressed in his usual July 1st garb of Canada flag boxers, Canada flag face-paint and a full Canadian flag worn as a cape, has had to take special precautions to prevent …
Winner of local theatre award doomed to keep working in local theatre scene
VANCOUVER — Darren Weiss won the Jessie Richardson Award for Best Actor – Large Theatre Category on Monday, for his performance as Austin in a production of True West. The win has cemented …
Centrist gazelle pauses to consider cheetah’s point of view
BOTSWANA – Marvin Shuttleworth, a three-year-old gazelle who proudly describes himself as a centrist, paused while being pursued by a cheetah in order to consider the predator’s point of vi…
Half-hearted audience response kills Tinkerbell
NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ONT. — A production of Peter Pan at the Shaw and Stratford Festival took an unexpected turn when the audience’s half-hearted applause failed to save the imperiled life of Tin…
HBO celebrates 15 years of everyone insisting YOU HAVE GOT TO WATCH THE WIRE!
NEW YORK – HBO is celebrating the twentieth anniversary of The Wire’s debut, and the fifteenth anniversary of people finding out that oh my god you haven’t seen The Wire? Like, any of it?? …
Attractive woman doesn’t understand why no one will tell her about Bitcoin
CALGARY – Local restaurant hostess and former beauty queen Sonia Norris is desperate for a man to tell her about Bitcoin, and can’t fathom why none of them will. “Nothing turns me on …