Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re all wondering where The Winds of Winter is. But you know what really winds my winters? The people who pay to adapt my works not taking my semicolons as gospel. So let’s…
CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses
Despite “being forced” to lay off dozens of journalists this year, the CBC was able to afford paying $3.3 million to 45 executives, for an average of over $70,000.00 per person. We re…
Horrible teacher about to become even worse student
TORONTO – Former University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson has agreed to take social media training in order to keep his license to practice psychology from the College of Psychologis…
Video game exec just 10 layoffs away from unlocking “Decimated Industry” achievement
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Prominent video game CEO Matt Richter has just announced he’s only 10 layoffs away from earning the coveted ‘Decimated Industry” game industry achievement. “To think I’m…
Report: perfectly possible to hate both of these Fucks
OTTAWA – A new report has confirmed it is quite possible, and in fact logical, to hate both Pierre Poilievre and Justin Trudeau. “Contrary to what Conservative partisans believe, we c…
Top athletes in training to bang the best at Paris Olympics
TORONTO – Canadian athletes are deep in the grind as they practice day and night for the chance to bone the hottest people at the Summer Olympics. “Covid put a cramp in everyone’s ability a…
Law & Order Toronto criticized as unrealistic after showing Toronto Police trying to solve crimes
TORONTO – The Law & Order order spinoff series set in Toronto is being described highly unrealistic, as it depicts the Toronto Police repeatedly attempting to actually solve crimes and…
Boeing whistleblower found dead in Boeing plane that spontaneously combusted
CHARLESTON, SC – Boeing employee-turned-whistleblower John Barnett was found dead this weekend after the Boeing plane he was in spontaneously combusted. Barnett was taking the flight to take part…
Court declares Jordan Peterson has to take “how not to be an asshole” class
TORONTO – The Court of Appeal for Ontario has rejected noted psychologist and asshole Jordan Peterson’s attempt to avoid attending an anti-assholery class required by the College of Psychol…
Suicide Bomber would rather live than fly Air Canada, again
WINNIPEG – Aspiring suicide bomber William Pettinger is expressing frustration at his inability to live out his dreams due to ongoing frustrations with Air Canada. “I would love nothing mor…
