OTTAWA – Officials at Carleton University held a press conference today, announcing their discovery that the long-thought-completed NHL playoffs are, in fact, ongoing. Graduate student Jaso…
Leafs fan not going to shut up about this for the next 19 years
TORONTO – Early reports indicate that local Toronto Maple Leafs fan Edward Bookham won’t shut up about his team’s playoff series victory over the Tampa Bay Lightning for the nex…
Nation relieved to see Trump indicted before he could do anything really bad
NEW YORK – People across the United States and entire world are reportedly breathing sighs of relief that the former President is experiencing legal consequences, before he could do any rea…
Carbon prices rise to $65/tonne, millions of households eligible for rebates
OTTAWA – Canada’s national carbon price rose today from $50 per tonne of emissions to $65, the largest single rise in the pricing structure to date. As well, rebates that millions of …
Highlights of the Liberal’s 2023 Budget
Holy motherfucking shit it’s Budget season! The time when the government announces how it will spend all our money and we all pretend to understand the difference between the debt and the d…
CBC Gem to crack down on password sharing as soon as anyone signs up for a paid account
TORONTO – As Netflix cracks down on people sharing passwords in order to boost its revenue CBC Gem has announced that it too will stop all of its paid Premium Account members from sharing t…
Jordan Peterson whines about paper towel in dizzying display of masculine power
VANCOUVER – Jordan Peterson has once again demonstrated why he’s the twenty-first century’s premier expert on masculinity when he recently took aim at the scourge of paper towel dispensers …
In defense of wealthy British transphobes
J.K. Rowling is, by any metric, one of the most successful people on Earth. Her net worth is estimated at a billion dollars, her books have sold half a billion copies, and Harry Potter is one of …
Doug Ford moves to protect 1.8 million acres of urban sprawl from encroachment of Greenbelt
PICKERING, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has passed legislation that will help protect precious low-density housing, winding streets, and majestic parking lots from the encroachment of the…
Study: Best way to get rid of a body is to check it as luggage with Air Canada
TORONTO – A new study has revealed that the best way to get rid of an unwanted cadaver is to carefully pack it into a suitcase and check it as luggage with Air Canada at a local airport. &#…