REGINA – Despite claims that physical mail has been declining and gone to the wayside the past two decades, a local Canada Post-Punk rebukes the notion, and states that mail’s not dead. “Li…
Local man’s hand lotion unable to be placed anywhere without implying that’s where he jerks it
KAMLOOPS, BC – After Ian McKean purchased a 600 ml bottle of cocoa butter lotion, he has been unable to find a location in his apartment to put it that doesn’t suggest that’s where he furio…
Report: Puppy calendar filled with uggos this year
EDMONTON – The latest report compiled by market experts has revealed that the 2021 release from noted calendar brand “Omg Pups!” is filled with absolute uggos this year. The newest 13-month…
Explorers discover uncharted tropical island populated entirely by Canadian politicians
SOMEWHERE OFF THE COAST OF CUBA – Explorers have stumbled upon an entirely uncharted island between Cuba and Jamaica with a population that consists solely of Canadian politicians on holida…
Canada now requires travelers test negative for politician before international travel
OTTAWA- After a huge jump in cases, the federal government has now mandated that all international passengers must test negative for politician. “The cases are growing at an alarming rate,&…
Guitar sitting in your closet can’t wait to get to second bass
YOUR APARTMENT – After reaching first bass, the guitar in your closet expressed impatience and the thrill at the prospect of reaching second bass. “Oooh boy I’m so excited to touch their bo…
Study reveals that dogs in fact bork and do not bark
VANCOUVER, B.C – An extensive 38 year study conducted by the University of British Columbia into domesticated dogs species has revealed that every dog in the world actually doesn’t bark, bu…
“You there, boy, what day is it?” says man who hasn’t been outside since March
LONDON, ON- Local man Evan Scranton opened the windows to his bedroom early this morning, pointed at a boy passing-by and asked “You there, boy, what day is it?”, his first in-person interaction …
Canada blocks travel from the U.K about 500 years too late
OTTAWA – Canadian officials have announced a suspension of travel from the United Kingdom due to safety concerns of people living on this land, approximately 500 years too late. “With this …
Man graduates from university application process
STRATFORD, ON – After an eternal time studying, countless hours researching articles on the nation’s schools, coordinating multiple reviews of student experiences, and many sleepless nights…