JASPER, AB – A new review of The Jasper Planetarium has exposed a major flaw in the facility, that it does not house any actual planets and is in fact a glorified observatory. “I came here …
Study: visions of Sugarplums may be sign of acute eggnog poisoning
OTTAWA – A new study by Health Canada and several associated medical boards has found that pre-Christmas dreams of sugarplums dancing in someone’s head may be a warning sign they’ve c…
Weird, did you know they have conservatorships for men too?
Stop what you’re doing and prepare to panic. A new examination of American law has found that even male adults can be placed under a conservatorship. While statistically unlikely, it seems …
Las Vegas residents concerned as The Sphere begins to open
LAS VEGAS – Nevada citizens have reported worrying, as earlier today the entertainment and arts venue known as The Sphere reportedly began opening at the top, and is continuing at a gradual…
Disney defends use of AI, “We can’t freeze everyone’s head”
BURBANK, CA – The Walt Disney Corporation has spoken out in support of AI programs that might supplant actors and writers, stating that it could save them from the unmanageable expense of c…
Local children not at all scared by haunted House of Commons
OTTAWA – The federal government’s attempt to entertain young Halloween visitors fell flat on its face this year, as almost no child has reported being scared by the main attraction: a…
Teacher struggling to indoctrinate child who never pays attention
REGINA, SK – Local school teacher Max Hammond is concerned that if one of his students doesn’t start focusing more in class, they will miss out on being forcibly led to adopt a more left-wi…
Moderna promises new vaccine will increase the likelihood of pointless debate
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Pharmaceutical company Moderna has released a statement guaranteeing their new COVID vaccine will both decrease people’s chances of contracting the virus while boosting the …
Scientists determined to find what’s killing all the bees so it can be used to kill all the wasps
OTTAWA – Conservation experts and entomologists across the globe have announced they will be putting more effort into determining the cause of bee population declines around the world, so i…
Canadian wins gold at World Police and Fire Games for 50 metre evidence plant
WINNIPEG, MB – Last weekend the World Police and Fire Games saw Officer Michael Dooley of Vancouver set a new record for the 50-meter Evidence Plant event. “I’d never seen anything like it.…
