Are your local vacation pics not generating enough hate online? Are you feeling stuck in a rut of angering only your neighbours and want to try getting yelled at by different cultures in exotic l…
Ontario orders 5 new jet planes to counter theft of helicopters
TORONTO – The Ontario government has ordered a handful of high-altitude jet planes to try and stanch the rash of thieves making off with the helicopters that were purchased to staunch the r…
Canadian oil companies bemoan regulations that keep them from being as evil as their US counterparts
OTTAWA – Canada’s top oil producers have issued a joint statement saying government overregulation is keeping the country’s oil industry from having the same negative output as their …
Report: Protestor encampment at McGill still cleaner than student residences
MONTREAL – A recent examination of the Pro-Palestine protest encampment set up on the McGill University campus has found that the students involved are currently living in conditions that a…
Poilievre promises if elected, climate change will be the least of our worries
OTTAWA – Facing criticism for not having any plans to combat the climate crisis, opposition leader Pierre Poilievre has promised that if he becomes Prime Minister, “the country will b…
Amazing! Bald eagles seen living in Toronto with zero roommates!
TORONTO – Local naturalists received a miraculous surprise last week after a pair of bald eagles were seen building a nest in Toronto, with zero evidence of having an unrelated roommate to …
Liberals plan eco-friendly burial for carbon tax
OTTAWA – With the carbon tax expected to soon meet its demise in Parliament, the Liberal party is planning an environmentally friendly burial for the departed bill. “We’re going to ma…
Study: Earth will never save enough daylight to retire
MILKY WAY GALAXY – A new study suggests that, despite giving up countless hours of sleep each year, the planet Earth will never accumulate enough daylight to give up its 8760-hour orbit. “W…
First shorts-wearing jogger of winter spotted
WINNIPEG – A shorts-clad jogger has been spotted running in the River Heights neighbourhood, a sight that all metropolitan Canadians know heralds the true beginning of winter. “He was so ma…
CRA in blind panic after someone completes tax return in January
OTTAWA – The Canadian Revenue Agency is reportedly in a state of total meltdown after receiving a complete tax report in the first few weeks of the new year. “I have no idea how the fuck th…
