Only 96 Toronto Maple Leafs playoff tickets were available to the public for the team’s first home game. Are you worthy of one?…
Quebec to allow parents to take leave from their children during teen years
QUEBEC CITY – Continuing its leadership in providing much needed benefits to families, Quebec’s National Assembly has passed a bill to permit parents to take a leave of absence from their c…
Local man still unaware late night TV hosts are powerless to prevent authoritarian takeover
PORTLAND, OR – After basking in the righteousness of another blistering monologue by Stephen Colbert, local liberal Moe Shuster remained blissfully unaware that comedic barbs will do nothin…
Alexa accidentally transmits laughter from Amazon HQ to users
SEATTLE – Reports from multiple users that Alexa devices are randomly emitting laughter have been traced to a live microphone in the data harvesting centre of Amazon’s Seattle headquarters.…
Update: Parent who made half-assed attempt to discipline child has gone back to looking at their phone
PICKERING, ON – In an update to an earlier situation, local parent Sandra MacLean has returned to experimenting with filters on her phone after making a half-hearted attempt at disciplining…
Alberta NDP fears massive cross-border spill of environmentalism from B.C. NDP
EDMONTON – Alberta premier Rachel Notley gave a press conference today in which she outlined her concerns about a massive spill of environmentalism from across the British Columbia border. …
Study confirms whatever you’re doing is great, everyone else is an idiot
CAMBRIDGE, MA – A new study released today by Harvard Medical School confirms what you already suspected: the things you are doing in life are great, and everyone else is an idiot. “Your ap…
This year’s jar of preserves from friend reminder to throw out last year’s jar
CORNWALL, ON – Local citizen Karen Baker reports that the jar of tomato relish Tammy Hopper gave her at the end of a dinner party last night is the perfect reminder to throw out the jar of …
SQ shocked that they aren’t the worst police force in Quebec
MONTREAL – The Sûreté du Québec were taken by surprise when their director, Martin Prud’homme, was appointed as head of the Montreal police force to replace the suspended Chief Philippe Pic…
Revealed: Boomers plan to waste all their money buying bobbleheads in final fuck you to future generations
KITCHENER, ON – Evidence from multiple sources points to a far-reaching plot by baby boomers to waste all the money that could be willed to future generations by purchasing millions and mil…