TORONTO – The Ontario Minister of Government Services Lisa Thompson responded to critics of the new unreadable Ontario license plate by saying that they were rigorously tested at the Queens…
Kenney cuts support for handicapped to fund task force into why people think he’s an asshole
EDMONTON – In his first budget, Premier Jason Kenney has cut the basic income support for handicapped people and redirected the millions saved to fund a public inquiry into why people think…
Trump cuts diplomatic ties with Germany after discovering they didn’t help U.S. in World War II either
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The international community was left reeling as the United States announced it was pulling its diplomatic mission out of Berlin after President Trump was informed that, l…
Woman who escaped religious oppressors trapped in photo with secular oppressor
PARIS – Nobel Peace prize winner and advocate for access to education for women, Malala Yousafzai, escaped the clutches of religious oppressors in her native Pakistan seven years ago only t…
Trudeau opts to put out fire with kerosene
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took the bold step of putting out a fire out by pouring a bucket of kerosene on it. “I told myself: Justin, this has to end,” Trudeau said, with his j…
Amazon abandons plans for NYC HQ after no one home to accept delivery
NEW YORK – New Yorkers were left stunned and disappointed as Amazon cancelled its plans for a new headquarters in Queens when no one was home to accept delivery. “The UPS driver tried three…
Angry middle-aged white guy this year’s scariest Halloween costume
LOS ANGELES – Beating out more traditional horror villains, trend-spotters have declared “angry middle-aged white guy” this year’s scariest Halloween costume. Perennial icons of terror like…
Update: Quebec not distinct from Ontario and USA
QUEBEC CITY – After decades of claiming to be a society distinct from the rest of North America, Quebec went and did the same damn thing as Ontario and the USA. Despite centuries of being a…
South Korea mandates conscription of youth into K-Pop groups
SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA – As an escalation of the global culture war, South Korea has mandated the conscription of all its youth to serve time in a K-Pop group. At the age of seventeen all South…
