VANCOUVER – The Vancouver Police Department is assuring Vancouverites worried about interacting with unvaccinated cops that they always have the option of running away from the police inste…
Man who owns rug sick of friends always asking for help moving bodies
CALGARY – Local accountant David Summerson is tired of his friends continually expecting him to assist them in body disposal ever since he purchased a long, thick rug. “I didn’t realize how…
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ends in horror when robe of Baby Yoda balloon falls open, revealing massive genitalia
NEW YORK CITY – Cheers turned to screams today at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade when a robe malfunction resulted in the Baby Yoda balloon exposing his no-longer-private parts to thousands …
B.C. Public Safety Minister clarifies that title is ceremonial, like “Princess” or “Birthday Boy”
VICTORIA – After yet another disaster during which the provincial government left crucial public safety decisions up to a patchwork of small municipalities, the B.C. Minister of Public Safe…
Alberta Education Ministry assures parents it will stop publishing Nazi propaganda starting now
EDMONTON – The Alberta Ministry of Education has agreed to stop publishing a document that encourages educators to use materials that highlight the positive aspects of Nazi Germany, such as…
“Excuse me, I have a head, it’s a pumpkin,” claims local Horseman
SLEEPY HOLLOW, NY – The figure known colloquially as the ‘Headless Horseman’ is attempting to set the record straight about the status of his cranium and the hurt caused by hund…
Metastatic cancer worried people will start associating it with Facebook
MENLO PARK, CA – Following the announcement that the corporation which owns Facebook, Instagram and Oculus has changed its name to Meta Platforms, Inc., the process which results in cancero…
Cabinet Shakeup: Meet the new ministers whose names you won’t encounter again until they screw up so badly it makes the news
OTTAWA – It’s a busy period for Canadians. Halloween is approaching, Christmas is less than two months away, and Canada is still in the grips of a deadly pandemic that’s crippling our econo…
Opinion: I can’t even say ‘woman’ anymore, except for how I just said it, and all the times I’ll say it in this piece, and all the times I say it in my everyday life
By Jennifer Smith, a woman Yeah, that’s right, I’m referring to myself as a woman right in the byline. Am I even allowed to do that anymore? Sure, absolutely no one has ever suggested…
PM spends Truth and Reconciliation Day pondering ongoing genocide of Indigenous Peoples while getting in one last summer swim
TOFINO, B.C. – As Canada observes its first National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is setting an important example for Canadians by occasionally taking tim…
