RICHMOND, BC – A press release from Boston Pizza has announced an exciting new menu item of overpriced cheese and beef that technically qualifies as food. “Boston Pizza is proud to be the restau…
Aw, heck! Borkin pupperino did a big zoomie into oncoming traffic
The smol boi had a honkin big frighten and received a chonky cast for his snoot. Three hoomans were killed.…
“Georgia saved America!” says American who called it a state of brainless hicks last week
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – “I’m so proud of Georgia for delivering the Senate to the Democrats,” lifelong Californian Steven Carter wrote on Facebook today, after recently dismissing the entire st…
Star Wars fans excited about new series starring Gleep Glorp, or whoever the fuck
BURBANK, CA – Yesterday, the Walt Disney Company announced 10 new Star Wars TV series starring beloved characters like Dorfus Kent, Ultra Moff Charlie, and Fudge Offal, or some nonsense like that…
Mountain Dew celebrates true meaning of Christmas with Dewtivity Scene
CALGARY – Mountain Dew has unveiled a partnership with Safeway that places sponsored Dewtivity Scenes™ in grocery stores across the country. “The increasing commercialization of Christmas makes …
“For Christmas this year I just want you to stay safe,” says mom who wants PlayStation 5
RED DEER – Sarah Jessup urged her three adult children to just hunker down and stay safe this Christmas, while also hoping someone would go out and get her a PlayStation 5 anyway. “The greatest g…
Man tricked into coma announces new self-help book
NEW YORK – Publishing giant Penguin Random House has announced a new self-help book by a man who, in defiance of every credible medical professional, adopted a dangerous all-beef diet and fell in…
Alberta’s tough new COVID measures force indoor coughing competitions to end by 10:00 pm
EDMONTON – In response to rising COVID-19 case numbers, Alberta Minister of Health Tyler Shandro announced stringent new regulations on the province’s popular coughing competitions. “Albertans as…
