VATICAN CITY – As Canadians and Indigenous Peoples demand accountability and remorse from the Catholic Church for their role in the genocidal Residential Schools institutions that Canada op…
National Post suggests replacing all parks with giant statues of John A. Macdonald
TORONTO – After successfully mining hate clicks with editorials suggesting we privatize all parks and that ending our glorification of John A. Macdonald amounts to cancelling all history, t…
Dominatrix offers her Subs new punishment that replicates pain, humiliation of being a Leafs fan
TORONTO – Mistress Saphira, a local Dom who specializes in unique tortures for her clients to endure, has developed a new punishment for Subs eager to feel the pain & humiliation Leafs …
Local man learned not to trust media when he realized Pingu wasn’t speaking French
Thunder Bay, ON – Local man Matt Rabbior advised that his life long distrust of the “media-industrial complex” began when he was 14 and realized that the children’s clayma…
“Birkenstocks are super comfy” reports woman with bloody, cut-up feet
Peterborough, ON – Local woman Jane Waite has been telling friends how comfortable her new Birkenstock sandals are, despite the numerous cuts, blisters and open wounds visible. “I cou…
Toronto Police leave homeless encampment in peace after residents say they’re just a 24 hour anti-mask protest
TORONTO – After weeks of clearing unhoused individuals from Toronto parks in the middle of a Pandemic, Toronto Police finally left the residents outside Lamport Stadium alone after they sai…
Calgary fans celebrate highlight of Flames’ season
CALGARY – After a long, gruelling season, Flames fans were finally able to celebrate a true victory when the Edmonton Oilers were shockingly swept out of the Playoffs. “You know, it&#…
Saskatchewan man listing Provinces always forgets to include Saskatchewan
REGINA – Tim Hardstark, a life-long resident of the Province of Saskatchewan, always forgets to include Saskatchewan when attempting to list all 10 provinces and 3 territories. “Let&#…
New law makes it legal to key anti-lockdown protestors’ cars
OTTAWA – The federal government passed a new law this morning making it legal for any Canadian, of any age, to key anti-lockdown protestors’ cars. “Obviously vigilante justice a…
4 COVID-Safe activities to do this summer if Doug Ford’s buddies say it’s OK
After 14 months of COVID we’re all anxious to get back to fun summer activities. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like we’ll be fully vaccinated until September/October, but there …
