Pearson Airport, Toronto – In a recent announcement, the cash-strapped airline industry has announced that every bag will require its own ticket. Instead of overhead bins, retrofitted plane…
Breaking: New Brunswick and Nova Scotia NOT the same place
Moncton or Sydney – This is a high priority announcement to all Canadians. In a surprise that has floored the nation, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia are NOT the same place! The confusion can…
Stardust pissed it’s now you
EARTH – After spending 13 billions years drifting across interstellar space, a speck of stardust is pissed that it’s now you – a nobody in the overall grand scheme of the universe. Be…
Earth’s 2024 life hacks to be the hottest year ever
Earth, Milky Way – Earth has finally revealed the biggest life hacks it’s using to make 2024 its hottest year ever. Earth has taken millennia to develop the ideal morning routine. While it…
Malfunctioning embryo freezer charged with mass murder
HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA – Due to recent changes in Alabama state legislation, a malfunctioning embryo freezer has been charged with mass murder. The accused cryopreservation appliance recently …
“WTF is happening today?” wonder drivers as white stuff falls from sky
WINDSOR, ON – In a baffling series of events, drivers in Southwestern Ontario are wondering “WTF is happening today?” as white stuff falls from the skies. The day started as a typical grey …
“Circle back after the holidays” workload building up
TORONTO – In the corporate world, employees are finding that their “circle back after the holidays” workload is building up to critical levels. Jason Raynor works as a project manager for a…
Spoon found on counter probably clean enough
NORTH BAY – Nathan Pike who lives alone discovered a spoon on his counter and decided it was clean enough to use. Pike then plunged the spoon into a container of sugar to grab a half scoop,…
Homeowner humble brags he needs arborist
VANCOUVER BC – Everyday millionaire and homeowner, Jason Crumps, spent the day humble bragging about how he needs to find an arborist. When the branches of a tree started to scratch at his …
REPORT: Ignoring suffering of others linked to optimism
CALGARY, AB – A recent study out of the University of Alberta has come to the startling conclusion that ignoring the suffering of others is linked to having an optimistic view of life. When…
