VANCOUVER – In a somewhat surprising move, the city of Vancouver announced that they plan on turning City Hall into a new location for the popular restaurant chain Cactus Club. When asked w…
Gastown steam clock powered by sighs of disappointed tourists
VANCOUVER – In a candid interview yesterday morning Raymond Saunders, the designer of the Gastown Steam Clock, revealed that the popular Vancouver landmark is, in fact, powered by the sighs of di…
Gregor Robertson’s jawline to receive Order of Canada
VANCOUVER – His Excellency the Right Honourable David Johnston, Governor General of Canada, announced today 69 new appointments to the Order of Canada. The new appointees include two Nobel prize …
Local man fondly reflects on Martin Sheen presidency
KINGSTON – In the wake of yet another barrage of back and forth insults from Democratic and Republican candidates alike, Kingston local Alex Hinds spent most of yesterday afternoon reflecting fon…
After waking from twelve year coma, local man excited to ask nurse “wassssup!?”
KINGSTON – After more than a decade in a vegetative state, 27-year-old Kingston man Alex Hinds opened his eyes last week much to the surprise of healthcare providers. When asked what he planned t…
Icelandic PM forced to resign following uproar of dozens
REYKJAVIK – Icelandic Prime Minister Sigmundur Davíð Gunnlaugsson resigned this week following disclosure that he had, at one time, secretly held millions of dollars’ worth of Icelandic bank bond…
Clown car careens off cliff, hundreds dead
TORONTO – Tragedy struck the 401 Express today as a car carrying several clowns careened off of a steep embankment while en route to the upcoming Oshawa Clown Festival. First responder Alex Hinds…
London, Ontario named 2nd best London for 161st straight year
LONDON – London, Ontario Mayor Matt Brown shuffled hesitantly to a podium this Wednesday to announce that his city once again failed to capture the title of best London on Earth. This is the 161s…
Vancouver luxury condo revealed to be cluster of oil soaked rags
VANCOUVER – Purchasers of units within Vancouver’s luxury condo, “The Pacific”, were dismayed to find that the building they were preparing to move into was in fact just a large cluster of oil so…