TORONTO – In a surprising new development in Ontario’s controversial sex-ed curriculum rollback, the Progressive Conservative government announced a province-wide focus on Peanut Butter on …
Man with unpopular opinion deploys new tactic of yelling a bit louder
Mississauga, ON – In the throes of a heated argument at a birthday brunch, local man Dennis Richardson found his ignorant, ill-formed, and unpopular opinions were not being given the proper…
Beloved aunt missing after mozza sticks lead to one-way ticket to Flavour Town
CALGARY – A manhunt is underway after the disappearance of Linda Brown, 46, who was last seen boarding a one-way flight to Flavour Town after indulging in a plate of wonderfully ooey gooey …
Talking snowman discovered to be Alberta man who slipped down hill
EDMONTON – A magical, talking snowman in the heart of the Edmonton river valley was recently identified as Brad Fishman, 48, who had slipped down a snowy hill three weeks earlier. “I was ju…
Liberals propose generous “Eat Shit and Die” bill to striking Canada Post union
OTTAWA – Citing her party’s strong support for organized labour and workers’ rights, Minister of Employment, Workforce Development and Labour Patty Hajdu tabled the generous “Eat Shit and D…
New York cheesecake retires to Florida
NEW YORK – After a celebrated run of 76 years as the king of desserts in the Big Apple, New York Cheesecake has announced today his retirement to the sunny beaches of Florida. “What can I s…
QUIZ: Can you stop climate change with small lifestyle changes or should you fill your pockets with stones and walk into the river?
You’ve seen the bone-chilling report issued by the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, and boy oh boy, them bones them bones them chilled bones! So what should you do? The internet seem…
BREAKING: New email reveals your dad is ‘kinda curious about Drag Queens’
VANCOUVER – Based on evidence discovered in a weekly, semi-formal, update email from your aging father, experts believe he may be curious about and in the process of learning more about the…
Sleep-deprived parent fondly remembers days of being sleep-deprived raver
KAMLOOPS, BC – Upon catching sight of his sleepless, bloodshot eyes in the mirror, new father Daniel Lutsky took a wistful, early-dawn moment to remember his days of being disheveled and sl…
Chronically late man still finds time to check Instagram
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Running a shocking 35 minutes behind on his morning routine Bill Benson, 29, had nevertheless found time to prioritize what’s important in his life: checking in on social …