TORONTO – Canada’s Largest Fashion Fabric Distributor Fabricland says it will be shutting its doors now that its largest customer, Don Cherry, has been fired from by Sportsnet. Over 5…
Sportsnet reminds viewers of its zero-consequence-for-racism policy
TORONTO – Sportsnet has responded to Don Cherry’s recent comments towards immigrants by reminding fans that it has a zero-consequence policy for anything racist the host says. “We strongly …
PC police critic cries after being called ‘boomer’
TORONTO – A 63-year-old culture critic of political correctness broke down in tears after being called a ‘boomer.’ Bill Klassen, a retired car dealership manager was giving a lecture on how…
Pizza Pizza phases out pizza for 100% crusts
TORONTO – Pizza Pizza Ltd has announced that it will no longer be serving traditional pizzas, instead opting for what it is known best known for: crusts. “Instead of the traditional 75% dou…
Elizabeth May on resignation: ‘I just want to eat meat again’
OTTAWA – Elizabeth May announced yesterday that she will be stepping down as Green Party leader effective immediately so she can finally sink her teeth into a rare t-bone steak. May, who ha…
OC Transpo bus brought out of retirement ‘getting too old for this shit’
OTTAWA – Remarking with a heavy sigh, an aging OC Transpo bus that was called up from an impending retirement due to the LRT’s failings is “getting too old for this shit.” For 27 years, the…
Alberta to be represented in Liberal cabinet by empty cowboy hat
OTTAWA – With no MPs from either Alberta or Saskatchewan, sources indicate that Western Canada will be represented in the Trudeau cabinet by an empty Calgary White Hat. The 10-gallon hat, f…
Trick-or-Treaters expect at least full size chocolate bar from $2 million home
PELHAM, ON – Local trick-or-treaters are expecting a big payout from a recently constructed $2 million home in a well-off neighbourhood with a minimum expectation of a full size chocolate b…
Province with the lowest high school graduation rate in North America demands immigrant with PhD take values test
MONTREAL – The government that is responsible for a high school graduation rate of just 64% has announced that it will force Ibrahim Khan, an accomplished biomedical scientist, and tens of …
New Explore program immerses Ontario teens with Quebec’s alcohol, Quebec teens with Ontario’s pot
OTTAWA – With the Quebec government announcing that it will restrict the age for purchasing cannabis at 21, an intensive immersion program has added a new initiative for intercultural alcoh…