EDMONTON – Slowing down just a bit too early to already be at the ground floor, sources inside a local apartment building elevator report this morning that the person who called the elevato…
Sweater mostly cat hair at this point
MONTAGUE, PEI – Sporting her favourite sweater for a weekend gathering, friends of local woman Theresa McCallum, 34, revealed today that the black turtleneck she was wearing was undeniably …
7 US Presidents throughout history and the Nintendo characters their penises resemble
Following Stormy Daniels’ description of President Trump’s penis as looking like the mushroom shaped Toad in her new book, Full Disclosure, historians are reminding the public of the varying arra…
Jetsons reboot just family looking at their phones for 22 minutes
LOS ANGELES – Rebooting a nostalgic franchise for contemporary audiences, Hanna Barbera announced the latest incarnation of The Jetsons will include modern technology such as mobile phones,…
Homeschooled child not looking forward to going back-to-home
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Dreading the end of summer vacation, a local homeschooled child reported that she’s not looking forward to going back to her own house and starting grade 5. Rachel Moore, 1…
Woman always on vacation in your Instagram feed actually cocaine smuggler
PLAYA DEL CARMEN, MEXICO – After taking a series selfies in a tropical beach paradise, the gorgeous woman in your Instagram feed who always seems to be on vacation loaded a boat full of coc…
STUDY: Sunbeam through window proves cat dusty
OTTAWA – Vexing people with allergies, a series of afternoon sunbeams through a window have proven that a local cat emits a surprising number of dust particles after moving or scratching it…
Pope denounces inhumane death penalty in favour of endless demonic torture
VATICAN CITY – Changing the Catholic Church’s position on capital punishment, Pope Francis has denounced the death penalty as inhumane and unacceptable in all cases, recommending instead ev…
Fat kid’s cannonball dive produces disappointingly small splash
CHILLIWACK, B.C. – Wearing an XXL white t-shirt to cover his portly frame, witnesses report that local fat kid, Kyle Walker, 11, known to his friends as “Tiny” attempted a sorry excuse for …
BREAKING: France okay with certain immigrants
MOSCOW, RUSSIA – After a high scoring 4 – 2 victory over Croatia in the 2018 World Cup finals, the entire nation of France announced Sunday that it finally embrace certain immigrants,…
