WEST PHILADELPHIA – According to a new study released in the Journal of Comparative Demography, Willennials are getting jiggy with it less often on average than previous generations. “Paren…
TTC to implement “surge pricing”
TORONTO – Faced with a multi-million dollar budget shortfall and decreasing ridership, the Toronto Transit Commission is looking to raise funds and control congestion by instituting “…
STUDY: Dolphins swearing at us constantly
NASSAU, BAHAMAS – Proving that not only do dolphins have the capacity for complex language, new research from the University of Nassau suggests that they have actually been using filthy cur…
Nation’s evil twins shave goatees
OTTAWA – Realizing they could finally become unstoppable, evil twins from coast-to-coast have shaved their once tell-tale goatees, making them completely indistinguishable from their loveab…
Bicycle cops fail to apprehend own dignity
MONTREAL – Calling it “the one that got away,” a group of four police officers failed to apprehend their own dignity while riding the streets of Montreal on bicycles. The incident occurred …
Jays end post-season with pop, pizza party in Rogers Centre basement
TORONTO – After a disappointing loss against the Cleveland Indians, this afternoon the Toronto Blue Jays capped off their post-season with a modest pizza party in the basement of the Rogers…
Dr. Deadgrave Scary-Boo struggling to think of fun Twitter name for Halloween
MIRAMICHI, NB – After racking his brain for hours, local ophthalmologist Dr. Deadgrave Scary-Boo has been unable to think of a clever Halloween themed name change for his Twitter profile. “…
SOURCES: Canadian healthcare could take care of Trump’s sniffles
OTTAWA – After presidential candidate Donald Trump remarked that the Canadian healthcare system was “catastrophic,” experts at Health Canada say Trump’s constant sniffling could easily be t…
New mother kicked-out of restaurant for breastfeeding self
KAMLOOPS, B.C. – Local mother Tabitha McMillian is speaking up against what she is calling the unjust shame imposed on women’s bodies, after she was asked to leave a restaurant for breastfe…
Americans pretty sure who these people are, why they’re debating, but can’t say exactly
FARMVILLE, VA – Having stumbled upon what seems to be an important political debate while channel surfing by PBS, the people of the United States are pretty certain who these two men are an…
