OTTAWA – With US-educated former Bank of England Governor Mark Carney emerging as winner of the Liberal leadership race, Pierre Poilievre was caught blowing the dust off the old Michael Ignatieff “he didn’t come back for you” attack ad.
“I knew this baby was good for one more race,” said Poilievre, gently sliding his hand over his collectible DVD case like Nicholas Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds.
“She might not be the newest or the fanciest, but she’ll get us where we need to go,” added Poilievre, referring to the 2011 Conservative attack ad claiming that then Harvard Professor and Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff only returned to Canada to become Prime Minister and would immediately return to the United States if he lost, which is exactly what he did.
“They just don’t make classics like this anymore,” said Poilievre of the attack ad DVD, which is part of a 26-DVD Holographic Attack Ad Box set signed by Stephen Harper that Poilievre proudly keeps in his rec room next to his copy of The Hangover 2.
According to Conservative staffers, Poilievre spent countless late nights in his office learning photoshop to update the attack ad, which now features a crudely photoshopped Mark Carney overtop Michael Ignatieff, with the exact same “he didn’t come back for you” message as 15 years ago but with Mark Carney’s name written over Ignatieff’s.
“Who would’ve thought the Liberals would make the exact same mistake of electing an elitist, out of touch rich white guy from outside the country as their leader twice within the same lifetime,” said one Conservative staffer. “It’s too easy.”
“And who is he to be Prime Minister anyway? He thinks he can just walk in here with his world-class education, flawless bilingualism and perfect resume and just offer to fix our economy? Pierre was here first. Simply put, he has firsties,” explained the staffer.
“Oh well, if Mark Carney does win, you can bet OUR leader will stay in Canada. Hey, maybe that should be our new campaign after we re-run this attack ad. Mark Carney, he didn’t come back for you. Pierre Poilievre. He’ll never leave. Yah, people will love that.”
