TORONTO – After Toronto Sun journalist Bryan Passifiume wrote a controversial post on X celebrating the murder of Renee Nicole Good by ICE, the Sun’s Editor-in-Chief responded to the backlash by promoting him to CEO of the publication.
“We are so proud to have such a shining example of the type of journalist and human being the Toronto Sun employs,” said Adrienne Batra, placing a medal around Passifiume’s neck that read ‘#1 Truthtelling Hero Boy’. “I mean, really, after reading that he believes innocent mothers should be shot dead on the streets by armed militia, how could we NOT elevate him to the highest role at our publication?”
“We are aware that he deleted the tweet out of fear of the consequences of his own actions, but don’t worry – it has officially been engraved in gold into the side of our headquarters downtown. This is an incredibly exciting moment for us, and for inflammatory ragebait journalists everywhere.”
Postmedia Network’s outgoing CEO Andrew MacLeod reached out to Passifiume personally to congratulate him for upsetting half the internet and causing thousands of people to email the Sun, demanding his firing.
“This is the kind of publicity right-wing media could only dream about!” stated MacLeod, beaming from ear to ear. “The only thing that could have made the tweet any better is if Bryan had managed to shoehorn in some of his classic anti-Palestinian rhetoric as well. Ah well, maybe next time.”
A source inside the publication’s offices stated that as CEO, Passifiume would be in charge of ensuring that all future articles made it clear that the Toronto Sun’s staff were ready and eager to bend over for Daddy Trump whenever he eventually decides to invade Canada.
“This is the best day of my life,” Bryan stated, already halfway through a new tweet suggesting children of left-wing Americans should be forced to fight each other to the death if they complain about their parents being murdered in broad daylight.
“My mom is so proud of me.”
