WASHINGTON, DC – U.S. President Donald Trump has publicly announced that he will cease all discussions with Canada over any new trade agreements, before immediately following that up stating that discussions have resumed despite never having stopped.
Moments later, Trump took to social media specifically to denounce and formally end the discussions while pondering which European country is Canada.
Trump wrote on social media:
“Canada is a very SNEAKY, very weasel nation. I call them Weasel Canada. Everyone does. Not beaver, weasel. I’m ending trade discussions with them. We don’t need them. So-called experts say maybe we need Canada. Who are these experts? PERVERTS? CRIMINALS? We don’t know. So-called experts say we should trade with them. I don’t think so. European leaders have been covering for them for too long. These maps of Europe? NO CANADA. Where is it in Europe? No one knows. I don’t see it. Maybe Canada isn’t a real country? Ok. Post. What’s wrong with this thing? Send.”
Though U.S. goods trade with Canada was over $750 billion USD last year, trade between the two nations has hit a turbulent period featuring a wide slate of tariffs.
While attending a conference in Singapore for the Forum of Asia-Pacific Nations, Canadian Minister for Foreign Affairs Mélanie Joly spoke to reporters. “We take President Trump’s statements very seriously. He is a big, serious boy who makes big boy statements. We will take a close look at his big, strong announcement and act accordingly. I’m sure we will all be very impressed with how good he is doing.”
Trump later posted:
“Canada is a good nation. Not a great nation like us, but good enough to trade with the beloved USA. We love to trade with our Canadian neighbours across the Atlantic. Maybe they are in or around France because of all the French. Who can say? Not these maps I’m looking at. In any case, we will resume trade talks with Canada. Do them a big favour. They owe us one. In fact, sounds like they’re taking advantage of us again. Trade talks ARE OFF! THANKS FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. CAPS LOCK OFF. LOCK OFF. AH FORGET IT. POST! SEND!”
At press time Prime Minister Mark Carney was reportedly browsing job listings for “High Powered Economist” in Europe.
