TORONTO/CALGARY/VANCOUVER/MONTREAL/OTTAWA/WINNIPEG – Casual hockey fan David Hildebrandt was surprised to discover that you are not routing for the Canadian team in the Stanley Cup Finals, because apparently this city based hockey competition is now the god dam Olympic Games.
“Don’t you want a Canadian team to win for the first time since 1993,” he said casually, when he might as well suggest you drink hemlock or go down Niagara Falls in a barrel.
“Where’s your sense of Patriotism?” Said the fucknuckle who believes that cheering for a specific team in the NHL is the same as routing for whoever has a maple leaf on their chest in a sport you’ve never heard of before.
Hildebrandt is far from alone. Many in the media have expressed surprise that a Boston pizza commercial and nationalist guilt campaign has not been enough to get fans of the other Canadian teams to overcome years of playoff battles, geographical based hatred and petty social media disputes.
“Oilers fans have repeatedly verbally attacked me, my physical appearance, my political beliefs and my children all because I cheer for the Leafs. But sure. Go Oilers I guess,” said Mark Hudson.
At press time Oilers fans who would rather pour bleach in their eyes than watch the Leafs win a Cup were pretending to be upset about this.
