Windsor, ON – Local NHL fan/non-accountant Mark Wilinsky has determined that the reason teams like Tampa, Florida and Vegas are consistently good is because they play in states with no state income tax, which makes it easier to attract players who definitely pay their taxes like a regular employed person would.
“When players are choosing teams of course they’re going to pick one that lets them keep more of their money,” said the delightfully naive 38 year old who has never heard of personal corporations, RCAs and other tax minimising schemes that allow NHL players across North America to pay a lower tax rate than public school teachers.
“if I was a free agent, why would I sign with the Leafs and give up half my salary when I could go to Dallas and keep almost all of it,” added the man who probably believes that Canadian CEOs and Bay Street investment bankers also give up half their salaries to the CRA.
In recent weeks numerous fans of teams that have recently been eliminated from the playoffs have clung to the idea that the only reason their team lost and others have won is the local tax code, which explains how Florida and Tampa famously built their teams, not by drafting and developing good players or winning high-profile trades, but by signing unrestricted free agents to below market rate contracts.
Though even the most charitable of sports psychologists would likely describe this as “blatant coping”, fans who recently fell off turnip trucks insist they have just stumbled upon a major financial scandal.
“It’s not like NHL salary taxes are complicated calculations based on signing bonuses, where road games are played and how much is being funnelled into an intricate web of tax minimizing trusts and offshore accounts,” said Wilinsky. “Players just get a paycheque every two weeks with their taxes and cpp deducted just like me.”
In related news, Florida also had no state income tax for all the years the Panthers were terrible.
