OTTAWA – A new proposal from Justin Trudeau’s Liberals would allow renters to include rental payments when calculating credit scores, while bidding on houses that they remain hopelessly priced out of.
“Renters deserve credit for the money they put toward rent over the years,” Trudeau explained, “Especially when it comes time to apply for a mortgage for their first home and get massively outbid by housing speculators or larger REITs.”
“That’s why our Canadian Renters’ Bill Of Rights will leave Canada’s renters with a slightly better credit score to look at while they watch yet another dilapidated ‘starter home’ go for $100,000 over asking,” Trudeau added. “You’re welcome, Canada.”
In addition to boosting renters’ woefully insufficient credit scores, the Canadian Renters’ Bill Of Rights promises to include several other comically insufficient measures. These include: Landlords must include a written note laughing in your face after you ask to get something repaired; renters can only be stacked 6 to a room, maximum; and upfront bribes demanded by landlords to secure a rental can now be paid via Interac.
Trudeau also assured Canadians that under his new plan all Federal money transferred to various premiers for building new housing will now be in cash, making it easier to funnel to various party donors instead.
Across Canada, various renters responded to the new proposal.
“My landlord somehow wrote it into my lease that I have to give him piggyback rides to work every day, does it say anything about that?” added Scott Morser of Halifax.
“Under this plan I’ll be able to build my credit score to a point of qualifying for a mortgage just in time to bid on a sweet nursing home bed,” notes Jameela Parks of Sudbury.
“I prefer Poilievre’s plan, which is to spend the next year campaigning against Trudeau’s plan,” explains Jasper Crump of Edmonton.
At press time, Trudeau’s aides were still struggling to explain to him the concept of how renters pay money to live in a house that they didn’t inherit or were given by the federal government.
