EDMONTON – With the pre-season Stanley Cup favourite Edmonton Oilers struggling to develop momentum, Premier Danielle Smith blamed the team’s performance on the Liberal government’s carbon tax.
“Alberta’s capital has been suffering greatly under the Federal government’s hostile attitude to the oil industry, and one need look no further than our beloved hockey team,” the Premier to a raucous crowd of supporters. “We told you how Ottawa’s regulations will be a burden on Canadians’ wallets, and now Leon Draisaitl can’t even buy a goal!”
“Before the devastating carbon tax, the Oilers won five Stanley Cups”, Smith pointed out, “but since Trudeau introduced the carbon tax, they haven’t even made it to the finals. The numbers don’t lie”.
Premier Smith continued by pointing out how the team has been suffering under “foolish” attempts to push for a carbon-neutral society. “They’ve been forcing us to switch wind and solar! Those seem great at first, but what happens when the air is calm, or the sky cloudy? I’ll tell you what happens: Evan Bouchard flies up the ice to join the rush, but when the puck goes the other way suddenly he doesn’t have the energy to pick up even the most basic defensive assignment!”
“It’s not like there’s some magical way for his body to store some kind of “backup” energy!”
When asked by reporters if the Oiler’s woes might be due to the health and performance of team captain Connor McDavid, the premier scoffed. “Are you trying to tell me that a professional organization would actually tie its success so strongly to the expected performance of one element; that if it suffers a setback the whole system falls apart? That would be unbelievably stupid”.
Asked if the Calgary Flames had been similarly afflicted, Smith replied “No, the Flames are just an objectively terrible hockey team.”
