LOS ANGELES – Speaking at a launch event for his new memoir “Spare”, Prince Harry of the United Kingdom communicated his desire that the book will be used as a tool for regular people dealing with their own overbearing 150-year-old dynastic royal lineage.
Harry pondered aloud: “Maybe there’s someone out there dealing with similar issues. Maybe they too have been followed by paparazzi every moment of their life. Maybe they’ve also been romantically tied to some of the world’s most beautiful international women. Maybe they’ve had to sustain the tragedy of a royal upbringing surrounded by conspicuous wealth and privilege with no doubt about the security of their future whilst bemoaning how people are mean to them. This book is for them. All of them.”
Other tips for the common man contained in the book include how to deflect blame for your decision to dress up as a Nazi onto the heir to the British throne, how to easily escape your struggles by crashing at Tyler Perry’s house, and how to distance yourself from the monarchy by basing the entirety of your current identity on your past experience with them. Harry insists that regardless of whether the reader is a mighty Archduke or a lowly Earl, everyone can find something to relate to by heeding his own lived truth.
The prince sharing his easy-to-relate story to the world is the latest in a series of benevolent gestures he and his wife, Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, have engaged in recently. Their desperate flight by private jet to seek shelter in lowly Santa Barbara, California with nothing but the clothes on their back, a retinue of private security, and immediately marketable personalities and public personae is truly an inspiration to us all. Indeed, the book’s success is a testament to Harry’s up-by-his own bootstraps approach to being a Prince who married a pretty actor.
“It’s important for everyone to know that no matter how mean your in-laws are to you, you can always fall back on your own can-do attitude and reach out to Netflix and sign a private commercial deal to develop shows about your life and, you know, other stuff you’re into,” said Meghan Markle from the couple’s modest Californian estate which isn’t anything like Windsor Castle, “Maybe our story will inspire others to realize they just have to dig deep and get a docuseries about themselves done.”
Members of the public are already heralding the royal couple’s munificence with one Robert Cambridge, a miner from rural Ohio, celebrating how they’ve given him comfort in his own trying times: “Every time I’ve gone out and dated a beautiful and famous Hollywood actor, my own parents – the Viscounts of Nortuhumbria – were nothing but cruel to her. But Harry made me realize I just have to stand up to them and fly half way around the world to escape them, while also talking about it as much as possible all the time.”
“Like, ALL the time,” he continued.
At press time, King Charles asked his fourth butler to spread slightly more caviar on his condor frites.