OTTAWA – With Doug Ford endorsing the use of the Emergencies Act to end the “Freedom Convoy” protests, Canada has officially become so absurd that Doug Ford is the one providing sober second thought.
“Myself and the Prime Minister support free speech but if you disrupt the lives of the people of Ottawa every single day… I have zero tolerance for that,” was the quite reasonable point of a man who, as recently as 2018 we assumed represented the low point for the Canadian political system.
The revelation that the man mostly known for an abandoned ‘Buck A Beer’ campaign pledge and auctioning off Greenbelt land to the highest bidder now represents something of a middle ground has shocked Canadians.
“The Overton Window is moving so fast I feel like in a few years we’re going to be talking about how sensible Maxime Bernier is in comparison to the fascist AI running the People’s Party of Canada,” said Lisa Spinner of Kingston.
“I just don’t want to live in a world where I find myself nodding and agreeing with Doug Ford. It’s like when I saw George W Bush dancing with Michelle Obama and I said ‘how cute’ and then I had to wash my mouth out with detergent as penance,” said George Cinders of Windsor.
At press time Ford, worried about losing his right-wing base, had immediately closed two hospitals, invoked the Notwithstanding Clause to ban the phrase ‘woke’ and renamed Ontario place the Rob Ford Shack in order to remind everyone who he really is.
