EDMONTON – According to local sources in an Edmonton suburb, every garage sale being held this year has contained piles of near mint condition podcasting equipment.
“I’ve been hoping to score some discount power tools, or maybe a nice end table,” said Simon Hurst. “But it’s all cheap microphones and pop filters as far as the eye can see.”
While many of the households holding garage sales were too embarrassed to discuss their creative endeavours, deep cover sources have determined that the failed podcasts included Politics According to the Pattinsons, Cat Chat With Matt and Pat, Hockey and Hoedowns, and Let’s Talk About Socks, Baby, none of which lasted more than seven episodes.
“My husband and I got three episodes into The World as Will and Grace, our podcast about the philosophical underpinnings of late ‘90s sitcoms, before we started having screaming matches about Becker,” Carly Turnbull admitted. “I just wish we’d quit before I spent 500 bucks commissioning a theme song.”
Many garage sales also included reams of prematurely made merchandise that owners were desperate to unload.
“I bought 50 shirts that said ‘Roll the dice with Gamer Greg on Tuesdayz’ for like a dollar,” said Hurst. “I have no idea why he spelled it like that, but they’ll make for good rags.”
“Oh God, look, this audio mixer was never even opened,” Hurst added.
While most sellers appeared to have accepted the fate of their podcasts, a few were wistful.
“I thought a podcast where two guys talked about the films of Quentin Tarantino was a bulletproof idea,” said Alan Baxter. “We even did a hilarious episode about how he’s really into feet!”
At press time, most of the audio equipment had been snapped up by people planning to launch new podcasts.
