Just Outside of HOPE, BC ― Local third-grade teacher Jude Thompson was reimbursed for a cloud this week, after he discovered that the dark mass of suspended water droplets, given to him by his parents-in-law, did not contain the guaranteed silver lining.
“[My wife] Sue’s parents told me they were coming over for the holidays, even though they’re unvaccinated, one of my students is immunocompromised, and I really needed some quiet time to mark thirty book reports. This isn’t ideal, but for her sake I had to be polite, so I grinned, told them that it was just what I wanted, and tried to be positive.”
Thompson claims that he initially consoled himself with the thought that at least his immediate family would enjoy gathering with others after spending last Christmas in lockdown.
“But they stressed my wife out, constantly complaining that the bed in the guest room was too soft and the turkey too dry. And then I found my kid crying, and he said that Grandpa had spanked him for not eating his brussels sprouts, even though I’ve made it very clear multiple times that we have zero-tolerance for corporal punishment in this house.”
It was at that point that Thompson inspected the fine print on the cloud more closely, and realized that rather than sterling silver, he had received a lining of stainless steel. Although disappointed, he noted that he was not at all surprised, as he had encountered many such defective clouds before.
“To be honest, I don’t think I‘ve ever owned one of those authentic silver ones people are always raving about. Cheap knockoffs made of stainless steel, or even aluminum or tin, are a lot more common.”
At press time, Thompson, equipped with a store credit at Canadian Skyre, had his doubts about getting a second wind, but after examining a dozen potential replacements, settled on cloud nine.