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Scientists announce breakthrough in...

National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
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- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Carney confident government can meet spending cut goals as long as they make life a little worse for every Canadian

As part of negotiations with Trump, Carney agrees to celebrate Canada Day on July 4th

Liberals promise anti-democratic components of Bill C-5 will be used sparingly as long as Conservatives never get in power again

Carney limits G7 guests to one assassination each

Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick

CTV announces 24 nanosecond news cycle

Local woman waiting to return her missed calls until she’s on crowded bus

Forest Hill by-election to show Canada what people without problems think

TTC appeals to frustrated riders with summer contest ‘Catch That Rat!’

“Why is Toronto traffic so terrible?” wonders man in car

Latest Drake track features his Mom asking Kendrick to stop bullying her son

Report: Juan Soto in talks with Ohtani about best way to get Canadians’ hopes up before crushing their dreams

Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask

Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Rick Tocchet announced as NDP party leader

Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane

Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow

Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver

Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Canada signs deal with EU on defence, entry to Eurovision

Trump urges Americans to just remember whatever bullshit let them support Iraq War

Trump demands Nobel Peace Prize for starting war with Iran

Minister of International Trade says Canada should apply for EU membership: “Canada is only 19km from France.”

Breaking: can we get an article posted on Trump’s latest tariff threat before he backs down yet again?

Trump urges Americans to just remember whatever bullshit let them support Iraq War

McGill says it’s cool if Harvard crashes on their couch until things calm down at home

Trump reminds Americans he only promised not to start foreign wars

Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
- Sports
Florida, Calgary win Stanley Cup Final

“Eh, fuck it”: Montreal F1 driver takes an Uber

Federal government opens distress hotline for Canadians forced to cheer for Oilers

Inventive refs develop new way to help Panthers win beyond the favourable whistle
Business
- Business
Man fights male loneliness epidemic with mandatory Microsoft Teams meetings

Career coaches admit that “networking is key” just euphemism for “you’ll get absolutely nowhere without nepotism”

Researchers warn Tim Horton’s in-app NHL Hockey Challenge is a gateway to drinking their coffee

Rogers celebrates 20 years of higher than expected call volumes
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Trump announces 35% tariffs on Krypton

New hit reality show begs to answer the question, “Do you want to ruin your life!?”

New Cirque du Soleil show apparently different from the others

“At least Mel Gibson is still a good guy,” states man with the memory of a grape

Tampax encourages women to channel their rage into bigger, better periods

Conscientious driver slows to 30 km/h in school zone while hitting children with car

Report: Exhausting, unfulfilling suburban life you hate is university student’s unattainable dream

Mystical ayahuasca experience concludes with survey for chance to win $25 Amazon gift card

Blue Jays announce giveaway where first 15,000 fans get a family doctor

Ads playing on gas pumps now leading cause of hearing loss

Danielle Smith demands referendum to separate measles from Albertans

“Is it possible you’re just pregnant?” asks doctor staring at woman’s fractured tibia

Op-Ed : “Say what you will about us, at least we never blew a 27-point lead,” by Auston Matthews

The Beaverton demands same debate invitation as The Rebel, even though we’re not as big a joke

Editorial: Trump underestimates how proud, united and, most importantly, petty Canadians are

Op-Ed: The “Wicked” movie shows us what audiences really want — more films about green people

Man who wants kids unaware he will be expected to parent them

Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already

Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans

Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire

93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit

Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province

CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele

Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race

Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic

Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
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Photos

Scientists announce breakthrough in lab-grown beefcakes

March 31, 2021 by Roderick Scobie ( @roderickscobie )

News in Photos.

See More: beef, GMO, lab coat

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