TORONTO – As theatres across Ontario remain closed, local man, Julian Yoon, is secretly ecstatic his co-worker is unable to use his Hamilton tickets.
“I remember the day, he (smugly) posted to our office Slack channel that he snagged two orchestra seats. Now look – he can’t use them!”, cackled Yoon while cracking open a bottle of Armand de Brignac champagne. “Who is the bastard, orphan son of a whore now!?”
In a report released by Mirvish, when the tickets for the must-see musical were first released, approximately 31,000 people were stuck in a digital queue, including Yoon. “All I could get were tickets to Shen Yun and no one wants to see that…”
John Huntley, holder of the coveted Hamilton tickets, revealed that he was just lucky and is a little disappointed the season has been postponed, but understands the reasoning. Meanwhile, Yoon continued to celebrate even though, due to COVID-19 restrictions, he is unable to use his Jays tickets, is missing his mother’s 80th birthday, and has been temporarily laid off.
“At first, I thought it was the Vancouver Olympics all over again,” said Yoon, referring to the historic gold medal game between USA and Canada. “John was the only one in the office to get tickets and then, for an entire month after, he wouldn’t stop talking about the once-in-a-lifetime experience of being in that stadium when Sidney Crosby scored. Now, I can’t wait to see the Instagram of him holding up the playbill during the pre-show — OH WAIT! HE CAN’T!!”
Yoon later admitted that the reason he claps at 7:30pm is not for the front line workers, but for the fact that John can’t use his Hamilton tickets. “Especially now with the original cast recording of Hamilton coming to Disney+, I’ll no longer be culturally inferior to John!”
Huntley then revealed that he had been planning on surprising Yoon and bringing him to the show.
