TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford and his government has claimed credit for this morning’s sunrise, which occurred at approximately 7:51 AM in Toronto earlier today.
“Getting rid of the carbon tax has helped sunlight return to Ontario,” said Ford in a tweet with an image of the coming dawn in the eastern sky. “The giant ball of fire in the sky is returning to our province because it wants to invest its rays in a place where the government is for the people.”
Ford went on to explain that the earth would not have continued to rotate on its axis had it not known that Ontario was open for business; a problem which was rectified thanks to his government’s signage.
“For too long, Ontarians have lived in perpetual twilight with no hope until we lifted the sun into its rightful place with our strategy of cutting red-tape and regulation,” added Ford.
Other Ontario PC MPPs followed suit sharing their own images of the sunrise on their Twitter accounts.
“It’s back up!” tweeted Minister of Health and Long-Term Care. “We’re clearly doing something right and better than the previous government.”
“Thank you @fordnation for your god-like cosmic abilities,” praised Finance Minister Vic Fedeli. “While Justin Trudeau is focused on taxing carbon, we should be thanking Premier Ford for the oxygen that plants are once again producing.”
At press time, Ford boasted about having zero endangered rhino attacks in the province during his term in office.
